St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Missouri, October 11, 1896
The room that you enter is vault-like and filled with coffins.
The undertaker-waiters call out in sad tones: “Welcome to death,” and “Choose your coffin.”
Having chosen your coffin and ordered your poison (probably beer), the waiter brings it to you, repeating some such formula as:
“Here is something to finish you off – a drink made from microbes and grave worms.”
All around you hear the undertaker-waiters repeating their dreadful phrases: “Welcome to death.” “Here is something to poison you.” “The dead cannot laugh.” “This will make you rot quickly.”
I-want-my-IWTV 