thegodthief:

Remake yourself.

It hurts, and it’s bloody, and sometimes that blood isn’t metaphorical. You have to face things about yourself you didn’t want to face and admit the lies you had comforted yourself with were the most vicious lies of them all, and you’re going to wonder why you haven’t just settled the matter once and for all.

Do it anyway.

The mold you have been forced to fit into never fitted you, never fitted anyone, and was created for the sole reason for making you comfortable for other people but never for you to be comfortable for yourself.

Once you break the mold, what you refashion yourself into will fit your self a little better, but it won’t be perfect. You won’t be this “new self” forever, but it will allow you to see a little more clear, and to speak a little more loud, and to be a little more what you are comfortable being.

You will remake yourself often.

Each time you take a hammer to the form, it will be because you found another lie you can’t live with anymore, or you found another leech you won’t tolerate anymore, or you realize that even though you’re a little better than before, you need to keep working at yourself if you are going to survive.

You will survive.

After a few iterations of this, you’ll look back and not recognize yourself. You’ll see who you were in the distant past and realize that is not the person you are now, and the person you are now is not likely to be the person you will become this time next year.

And that’s okay.

That’s how you will survive.

It’s okay if you can’t stand who you are right now. Because that is the launching point. That is the clearing of the work table and the gathering of the tools. This is how you start: Identify what you want to change and start breaking the mold off of it.

It will hurt and it will be bloody and your personal connections will change and you will lose friends and “friends” and that’s okay.

As long as you are doing this for you, that’s okay.

(Ice cream helps.)