adirotynd:

Lestat and Don’t Do the Thing: Make a Six-Year-Old into a Vampire

Lestat and Don’t Do the Thing: Be Famous

Lestat and Don’t Do the Thing: Wake the Mother of All Vampires and Honeymoon with Her While She Slaughters Thousands

Lestat and Don’t Do the Thing: Be Human While Some Random Dude Takes Your Superman Body for a Spin

#accurate. Notice how this list stops at Tale of the Body Thief bc Lestat and Don’t Do the Thing actually gets so much crackier that it may not be possible to capture in synopsis. I’ll try tho:

Spoilers under the cut…

5. Lestat and Don’t Do the Thing: Go to Heaven and Hell on Job Interview, it’s All Fun and Games until Someone Loses an Eye.

6. Lestat and Don’t Do the Thing: My Name is Armand and I am a Sex Addict, Etc. Also, Marius Totally Abandoned Me and He Sucks.

7. Lestat and Don’t Do the Thing: This Crazy Mayfair Chick Stole my BF But it’s Cool and I’m Gonna Accept Her Anyways. Also, my BF Tried to Commit Suicide,but it was Cool, bc I Brought Him Back to Life in a Highly Professional and Gentlemanly Manner Group Bloodbath. 

8. Lestat and Don’t Do the Thing: My Name is Marius, I Love Painting, I Babysit Our Parents, and I am Bad at Relationships, Etc. Also, Akasha Told Me Not to Rescue Armand so Quit Calling me a Shitty Guy. 

9. Lestat and Don’t Do the Thing:  My Name is Quinn, I’m a Hot Dude who Needs Help Exorcising my Demon, Crazy Chick Stole Who Lestat’s BF Accomplishes this and Ends Up Going to Heaven in the Process. Presumably. 

10. Lestat and Don’t Do the Thing: Mona. Taltos. Rowan. The Story Defies Accurate Synopis.