thelionscrimsonclaws:

What alternative was there? Should I have dragged him around Europe with us in the search for Marius and for the answers that I did not have? What about when Gabrielle finally left and I lost all hope? Would he have gone to ground with me? Would he have been careful in his feeding habits when unleashed and roaming the countryside? And when I was rescued by Marius….when I finally looked upon Akasha’s face, would he have stood by my side?

I think not. It was he that returned to Renaud’s and it was he that formed The Theater of the Vampires! He hated the sight of me and I him but for different reasons….I hadn’t perished, the light never left me despite my descent into darkness! And he was a madman….half broken creature of dark genius! Would he have been happy to leave Paris? To stare at my face every evening and leave his music behind?

You know the answer if you are reading. Why ask me the questions to which you already know the answers? Are you attempting to demonize and damn me once more? Are you attempting to point out my mistakes when they parade themselves before me again on a nightly basis?

I have laid it bare at your feet and my sins are available at any time for you to browse and review over and over if you like. I am done with them, a tired tune indeed! Ask me no more!

I will find a way to give Nicolas purpose again but I realize that together, we do nothing but poison the well over and over until neither of us can drink.