Trying to figure out if you’re ace or aro can be so much harder than other
sexualities because it’s like, trying to find the absence of something. Imagine
you’re at a pond and you want to know if there are any turtles, or fish. Say
you find a turtle and you’re like “great! Now I know there are turtles.” Or a
fish, now you know for sure there are fish. Or you find both, and now you know
for a fact there are both turtles and fish in the pond.But like, if you don’t find any turtles it might be that there are no
turtles or maybe you’re just really shitty at looking for turtles and maybe you
THINK you saw a turtle over there or maybe it was just a stick. Maybe there are
only a few turtles. Maybe you need to do something special to find the turtles. Maybe a bunch of these rocks are actually turtles but you couldn’t tell them apart.
Maybe there are no turtles. You have no idea. Meanwhile some people are saying “Oh
there have to be turtles! You’ll find them eventually ;)” or “How many turtles
have you found in your pond?” or “Try planting some vegetables at the shore to
attract the turtles.” Or “Oh no! What disaster happened to your pond that there
are no turtles?” And you’re just standing there wet with an empty net and a
tired expression.But whatever because whether there are turtles or fish or not your pond’s
ecology works just fine without them because that’s what eco-communities do
they form a system around what they have. You aren’t missing anything if you
don’t have turtles you just have a pond system without turtles. If someone
tried to change you by pouring a bunch of turtles into your pond it would
probably fuck something up.So you don’t have to be entirely sure. You don’t have to search every inch of the damn pond before you can decide there are probably no turtles. If you want to take the aro or ace label because you think it fits go for it. And if you do find your turtles you can rename the pond. That’s fine.
Tag Archives: ace
Dear Santa Lestat, I’ve been pretty good this year I think. I passed all my classes and even had a bit of a self discovery about my sexuality that I’m still working on. (I think I’m asexual), but it feels good to have somewhat of an idea in my head. I’d take whatever you feel like giving and pass my love onto the rest of the coven please! Happy Holidays!
♛Beth! Beth. You have been very good.
As I am a student of the savage garden, there are no walls to my classrooms, there are limitless teachers, other classmates, group projects well sometimes I assign work to David because it does make him feel useful, aside from being my punching bag. However, I am tested. Often. And not always in the manner or at the time I would prefer *snorts*
Merci, cherie, consider your love passed onto the coven, they are always flattered although they try not to show it that my adoring fans care for their well-being, too!
♛Your gift is a stroll along the East river in New York City, a flight up to the top of the Brooklyn Bridge to gaze upon the twinkling lights of one of my favorite cities in the world.
And a lifetime subscription to Cat Fancy, because you have cats!
♛As for your self discovery, that is wonderful! Does it feel as if a weight is being lifted? Asexuality is a very real orientation. After Louis’ book, many people asked Anne Rice our ghostwriter whether we were asexual as if it was a bad thing. Not just Louis and myself, but all vampires. The term is very specific… and I am certain that I have mentioned that certain features no longer “work” the same way after we are turned.
I defy definition as always. You may consider us asexual if it helps you.
I can tell you that whatever your definition of sex is (and it can be so much more than merely penetration), love is absolutely possible, nay, necessary. I am just realizing now that my search for goodness, doing good… these things are deeply rooted in a desire to be praised, but more than that, to be loved. Isn’t that what we all want? That first love you feel for your mother/parent is without language, it’s that simple.
Sex itself is an act of closeness, of allowing oneself to be vulnerable to another, to nurturing and satisfying that other person(s) (hey, there can be more than 2!). There’s a spectrum in that. You can be vulnerable and nurturing to others outside of sex, too.
*flashes her a smile, hops onto the window sill. Bows courteously and then takes to the air*
I-want-my-IWTV 