Nah you’re not slim or pretty enough to be a vampire

floozys-deactivated20180908:

ok but like are you trying to tell me that there has never been a fat vampire? a fat person has never been bitten nor has a vampire ever drank enough blood to put on some weight? really? 

First of all why would you say that to a stranger on the internet? I feel sorry for Anon, that they felt the need to put someone down this heartlessly. What a gross oversimplification. 

How dare you tell someone they’re not pretty or slim enough for anything. Who made you the Decider of Prettiness and Slimness? I didn’t vote for you.

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While it’s true that fandoms/media tend not to glamorize fat and/or ugly fictional vampires, they do exist. 

@askavampirologist might have more to say on this, but here’s a whole pile of fat and/or ugly vampires some of which I found on a QUICK SEARCH OF TEH GOOGLE which Anon could also have done but was apparently too lazy or cynical to bother with doing.


1. Magnus, Lestat’s maker, is described as being ugly. He’s missing all his teeth except for his fangs. Were they lost/removed before he became a vampire or after? We don’t know. Usually, having all one’s teeth is a necessary element in being considered “attractive,” among other things. [Fanart by J. Oliver, Magnus on the right]

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2. Meet Pearl from Blade, a FAT AND UGLY VAMPIRE. Someone made him (I don’t remember if Pearl was m/f) a vampire, was it before he was obese or after? Was it before he got ugly or after? Someone had a reason to do it and it might not have been based on beauty or slimness AT ALL.

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3. Here’s Deacon from What We Do in the Shadows, and while I wouldn’t call him FAT, I wouldn’t call him SLIM either. Nor is he attractive to everyone even tho he thinks he is.

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4. Here’s a Cassandra Clare quote on the subject: “Maybe they didn’t make vampires out of ugly people. Or maybe ugly people just didn’t want to live forever.”

^While I don’t necessarily agree with her, there could be some truth in that. Not everyone would want to have to kill to live forever, maybe it so happens that “fat” and/or “ugly” people are more compassionate in that regard and wouldn’t be able to do it. Or there have been 

“fat” and/or “ugly” vampires who have chosen to die rather than continue vampiring for whatever reasons.

You want some more? Hit the jump.


5. Alan Moore made a “morbidly obese vampire bride” … “a fat monster that spends her day wallowing in the filth of an abandoned movie theater.“  It was part of a Swamp Thing series, I think. [full page here]

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6. Lady Luljetta “is a female vampire who resides in the country of Lelitania, where is originally from no one really knows.” [X] There seems to be fanart of her out there! [fanart by @fatline, who will draw any and all fat related draw requests]

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7. This is a very real book, I haven’t read it but apparently it’s part of a FAT WHITE VAMPIRE series!

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8. Here’s another fat vampire series:

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9. Here’s a coupla fat vampires in a cartoon:

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10. Here’s a fat vampire kitty from schadenfreudepony:

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