blogginghaley:

• serious mustache game
• kinda a werewolf for a bit until bram stoker forgot about it
• can crawl down the side of a building, head first. stoker claims this is lizard like, i think it’s more like spiderman
• apparently has magic clothes? because as he is doing said spiderman crawl down his castle, his cloak is spread out like wings. sir, that is not how gravity works
• master of disguises. and by master i mean casually hides as a ginger sometimes
• can turn into: a bat, a dog, and dust?
• looks super old, has a blood feast, looks younger
• needs tons of dirt to sleep on. luckily that dirt never actually ruins his clothes. most likely because they are all magical?
• does his own chores. mostly because everyone in transylvania KNOWS HE IS A VAMPIRE AND AVOIDS HIM. so no servants for this count. 
• sometimes can be in the daylight? depending on stoker’s mood i think?
• bites people in a way that makes zero sense. he leaves two marks? how??? does he not use his bottom teeth?????
• stoker sometimes just forgot what he already wrote so good luck with this mess

Daniel : So there are no vampires in Transylvania? No Count Dracula?

Louis: Fictions, my friend. The vulgar fictions of a demented Irishman.