Vampire chronicles, where all your ships are canon.
Since I got in the mood here’s Daniel and Armand as well.
Even thought Armand is the biggest asshole in history he and Daniel makes way too lovely couple. And shhh, I still like to pretend that it all ended to third book and everything is okey. Well, as okey as things could be for them all.
im gonna liveblog interview with a vampire so get ready kids
brad pitt talking in monotone is the single weirdest and funniest thing i have ever seen
i think im developing a thing for 80s/90s christian slater
“how can i put you at ease?” idk maybe you shouldn’t have told him you’re a vampire
six minutes in and there’s a montage with dramatic music and a deadpan monologue voice over provided by brad pitt i love this movie already
aaaaannnnnnnddd………….now they’re flying
they’re in mid air, tom cruise in a blond wig is drinking brad pitt’s blood, brad pitt made a sex noise when tom cruise detached himself from brad pitt’s neck, and then tom cruise dramatically dropped him into a river. i really do love this movie
as in all period dramas, there is a scene where a rich person in lacy nightclothes lies coughing and gravely ill in their massive bed in a huge mansion. even when the period dramas have vampires, there’s always this scene
question: how many times is tom cruise gonna attach himself to brad pitt’s neck in this film
also: how many more dramatic speeches is tom cruise gonna have, and how many more sex noises is brad pitt gonna make
this movie is so dramatic i can’t
do you mean to tell me that these two guys can just sit in a public tavern and casually drink someone’s blood in the corner until they die and no-one notices??
tom cruise: [offers him rat blood]
brad pitt: [makes an “is this bitch for real?” face]
brad pitt:
brad pitt:
brad pitt: [drinks it anyway]
tom cruise: read her thoughts
brad pitt: [makes an “is this bitch for real?” face]
brad pitt:
brad pitt:
brad pitt: [tries it anyway]
brad pitt:
brad pitt: i can’t
the “NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” then the high pitched squeak/laugh i’m losing my shit
in other news, this immortal vampire is also a grape-throwing eight-year-old
HE’S DANCING WITH THE FUCKING CORPSE
claudia: where’s mama??
lestat: [brief “oh shit what do i tell her without seeming like a homicidal maniac” moment]
lestat:
lestat:
lestat: she’s in heaven
they’re parents. its official. lestat and louis are an old married couple, complete with daughter. i can’t believe i don’t even have to make this up
“you’re mine and louis’ daughter now” gay vampire dads i cannot fucking believe this
claudia: eww dad when did u eat rats
louis: long time ago, before u were born
louis, silently in his head: and it was bc of fucking lestat so don’t blame that shit on me
can’t believe claudia is having a teenage rage while louis is like OH NO BBY CALM DOWN and lestat is yelling NOT IN THE FUCKING HOUSE
the only thing not making this a scene from a domestic family comedy/drama is the dead body
there’s door-slamming and everything amazing
claudia: oh btw they’re dead ¯_(ツ)_/¯
lestat:
lestat:
claudia: ¯_(ツ)_/¯
lestat:
lestat: fuck
lestat: LOUIS
yeah thats right armand take louis to your weird underground vampire sex dungeon
DID THAT VAMPIRE GUY SERIOUSLY JUST MAKE A “what can u do” FACE AT LOUIS
YOU KILLED HIS ADOPTED DAUGHTER
AND YOU JUST MADE THE FACIAL EXPRESSION EQUIVALENT OF ¯_(ツ)_/¯
and in rides armand to save his boyfriend (or, more like his crush. who he hopes will be his boyfriend)
lestat: ur still gorgeous babe
louis:
louis:
louis:
louis: k
so lestat is like “you might have heard of me. im famous. kind of a big deal” right before he drinks someone’s blood then proceeds to complain to them about his ex-boyfriend. incredible
*Phone Rings*
Gabrielle: Hello?
Lestat: It’s Lestat.
Gabrielle: What has he done this time?
Lestat: No, literally. It’s me calling.
Gabrielle: What have you done this time?
Take this out of context, and you get a sitcom about a laughably inept gay vampire couple and their passive-aggressive adopted daughter.
Was that not the movie? Cuz that was totally what I got.
That was totally the movie I watched.
Yup, sounds accurate.
In context, out of context, it works both ways.
This is just every day interaction between the StuntWife and myself.
I feel compelled to point out that I am obviously Lestat in these interactions, because YOU DON’T TRUST ME WITH OPEN FLAME.
do you understand me when i say i did not wish to rush headlong into experience, that what i’d felt as a vampire was far too powerful to be wasted?
[X] Women are so mysterious
I-want-my-IWTV 