♛Fellating lizards! Douche canoes! *choked laughter*

(No need to sit on my lap, it’s not required, by the way, although many would be thrilled with that alone and not need anything else, gift-wise *smiles.* But I digress.)

With staying strong: that’s an internal struggle, unfortunately. I can only offer you the example of my own strength in the face of adversity. Enormous adversity. Some of the adversity has been self-inflicted. It happens. Life’s not a straight path. Wouldn’t it be utterly boring if it was? Overcoming adversity makes you stronger; you can surprise yourself. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Cliché but true, at least in my experience, considering the many actual attempts to kill me.

You’re also doing the right thing, quitting smoking. That’s going to make everything else better. Let me tell you also that smokers smell and taste terrible. To kiss, to kill, ugh. I’d rather lick the street, really.

So those douche canoes…  from what you’ve said, they’re not evildoers per se, this type of emotional murder isn’t a crime. It should be, but it isn’t. Seeing as you didn’t ask me to kill them outright, only to punish them severely, that I can do. There are worse things than death. They’ll be emotionally compromised themselves after I’m through with them. Might need institutionalization.

You offered a very creative method of torture, however, so I’ll add it to my repertoire. I might just have to try it on actual evildoers. Rat shit and broken condoms as a last meal, hmmm? Then set them on fire to finish the job. I wouldn’t want my own dinner tainted. I have standards about my own cuisine.

Happy holidays to you, Santa Lestat wishes you all the best.