I want to make something clear real quick
my goal isn’t to make anyone think exactly the same way I do. i want you to think for yourself.
don’t swallow my posts wholesale w/out thinking. don’t swallow what fandom policers say wholesale w/out thinking. don’t parrot other people without thinking.
ask yourself if people are being honest before believing them
think about the words people use. ‘always’, ‘all’, ‘never’ and ‘nobody’ are absolutes; in reality, there’s almost always exceptions to the rule.
generalizations are not always trustworthy & can’t be applied to individuals. (that might be a generalization about generalizations.)
there are abusers who call themselves shippers. there are abusers who call themselves anti-pedophilia/incest/abuse. there are abusers who ship pairings you consider abusive and abusers who ship only the fluffy, safe pairings. abusers can use anything to abuse, so don’t believe people who say ‘my space is abuser-free.’ (it isn’t.)
it’s easy to get turned around and thrown off by people who argue dishonestly. if they can’t answer simple questions about their position, you should probably ask somebody else who knows more.
shaming and guilting are not arguments. people who try to shame or guilt you into agreeing with them are not treating you kindly. be cautious about listening to them.
talk to people you trust. get blog recs; read different arguments & come to your own conclusions. know where you stand and why you stand there. know that it’s not wrong to change your mind if new evidence persuades you.
and know that you never have to tell anyone what you conclude if you don’t want to. that’s your business. you don’t have anything to prove to me or anyone else.
I just want everyone to have confidence in their ability to think for themselves and do what’s best for themselves – and not just in fandom. in everything. and I think that learning how to draw your own conclusions is the best way to protect yourself from being used or abused by someone trying to force their ideals down your throat.
Tag Archives: abuse
I’m in love with you
And it’s crushing my heart(When Love And Death Embrace // HIM)
Re: whether you have to tag smtg upon request, I was asked to tag a fanart reblog as {#abuse}. The fanart was a /vision/ the character was having, in which they were shown w/ bleeding wounds (not a depiction of a canon whipping scene), and not actually abuse. I tagged it w/ {#abuse} bc of the wounds: at first glance, w/o reading the caption, it could be upsetting to smne in a way that the caption would be too late or insufficient; & the #abuse tag could save this person from seeing it at all.
That’s true, art is different than writing in terms of the immediate engagement of seeing it. And yet, in galleries/museums, I can only remember a handful of times I’ve ever seen warnings for art that could be potentially upsetting in the context we’re using. With paintings like Judith Slaying Holofernes by Artemisia Gentileschi, you round a corner, and !!! someone’s getting brutally beheaded in vividly gorey detail. However, to attempt to discuss [fanworks] vs. [museum (or gallery)-displayed artwork and published fiction], that’s a potentially long and difficult discussion, and your blog is about fanfiction specifically, so I won’t go there.
But I do think we have to drag published fiction into the discussion as that’s what the fanworks are based on. As you wrote:
My concern is always that a tag like that is going to change how people interpret my work into something I didn’t intend. Like, I’ve been asked to tag things as abuse before that I really didn’t agree WERE abuse, just regular conflict in a relationship. I can appreciate that that might be upsetting someone, and would like to give them a way to avoid it, but I don’t want to label something as abuse if it’s not, either.
I agree with you on this. As “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” so is “abuse is in the eye of any given reader,” whether or not the author intends it to be a depiction of abuse. Our fandom is based on works that contain plenty of problematic elements (including abuse) that the author most likely does not consider problematic, even when many of the fans are in agreement that they are problematic. Still, “many” is not “all,” and I choose not to trample on fans/fanficwriters/fanartists who ship A/B by tagging every depiction of
A/B
with {#abuse}, even when other fans condemn A/B as being a problematic and specifically abusive ship.
When fanartists and fanwriters take these same problematic elements from canon and extrapolate, they’re handling the same “tainted” material, whether or not they depict A/B as abusive, and therefore bear the brunt of the demands for tagging their works with {#abuse}.
So I don’t know what the answer is bc as I said above, I would not want to needlessly upset someone, but I also see it from the shipper/fanficwriter/fanartist/creator’s POV.
If we can’t agree on what should be tagged as {#abuse}, I feel like Dead Dove: Do Not Eat should apply:
That’s fair!
I guess that writing is a little different, since it’s unlikely people are going to just glance at the work and be upset by something there. They sort of have to engage with it.
My concern is always that a tag like that is going to change how people interpret my work into something I didn’t intend. Like, I’ve been asked to tag things as abuse before that I really didn’t agree WERE abuse, just regular conflict in a relationship. I can appreciate that that might be upsetting someone, and would like to give them a way to avoid it, but I don’t want to label something as abuse if it’s not, either.
Dead Dove: Do Not Eat is a warning or tag used to indicate that a fanwork contains tropes or elements that may be deemed “problematic” without explicitly condemning the problematic aspects.
The “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” tag would essentially be a “what it says on the tin” metatag, indicating “you see the tropes and concepts tagged here? they are going to appear in this fic. exactly as said. there will not necessarily be any subversion, authorial commentary condemning problematic aspects, or meditation on potential harm. this fic contains dead dove. if you proceed, you should expect to encounter it.”
I don’t feel that a
(published or fanfic)
writer is required to condemn abuse in the narrative, especially when, as you point out, they may perceive the abuse in question as regular conflict in a relationship. “Regular” is also up for debate, of course. As a fandom’s lifeblood is its fanworks, my feeling is to try to find some compromise between allowing the shipper/fanficwriter/fanartist/creators to create the fanworks they want to create, and for that to be done in a way that offers the most protection possible for people who might be upset by those fanworks.
Abuse history is not social capital; it doesn’t prove you wrong or right
This is extremely true. Everyone that goes through abuse is different and has their mental health impacted differently, and your feelings on x are not necessarily correct for everyone despite being valid.
Different people can handle different things, and if you can’t handle/enjoy something, that does not mean that those who can and do have to cater to you beyond tagging things properly. This is especially important now that Tumblr has finally added the blacklisting feature. It is imperative that YOU take the initiative to make yourself feel comfortable and safe, because this is a SHARED SPACE.
–Mod Disgrace
Wanted to do a painterly illustration of Armand from Vampire Chronicles.
I think the scene from his mortal days where he’s whipped and then… the stuff that happens… has all these unexplored layers.Regret, reparations, the mixing of pleasure and pain and the guilt of seeing yourself as a victim- whether you see pain in your life as fate. Anyway, I love Armand’s character and his outbursts have always been fascinating!
I’d like to imagine that this scene is a vision he’s given himself. Going back to Venice and destroying it while his backside stings from lashes and the blood chills as it trickles downwards. A sheepish curl of his hand in his hair. The expression we cannot see. The hand clenching the beloved color of his master, maker, lover, etc.
BEAUTIFUL. Beautiful in the way that it’s a very delicate subject and I feel like @superhiki captured it with such tenderness and dignity… as @gothiccharmschool put it, re: Crimson Peak: “as my definition of goth/gothic is looking for “beauty and wonder in dark or unsettling places”.” (X) and this is an example of that for me *applauds*
Dear Lestat, how do you deal with a abusive relationship when you love the other person so much?
//ooc; it’s inappropriate to respond to this as a fictional character.
Anon, I don’t know where you live, but google for help hotlines. Here’s one:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www.thehotline.org/help/
Our advocates are available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) in over 170 languages. All calls are confidential and anonymous.
^That website has a lot of info about abusive relationships, please check it out.
Also, the blog @advicefromsurvivors might have good advice for you, even though that blog is specific to advice from child abuse survivors.
As far as Lestat, he’s a survivor of child abuse, and he’s also suffered short-term abuse (forced into the dark gift), but he has been the abuser himself in more than one relationship. I don’t think he’s a very good person to ask for advice on this.
To everyone else: for future reference, if you are sending an ask to one of my RP muses and don’t want me to freak out and think that you are actually having a real problem in real life, please include “(this is fictional)” before the message. Even then, it may not be appropriate for a fictional character to answer.
Chilling Brain Scans Show the Impact of a Mother’s Love on a Child’s Brain Size
A shocking comparison of brain scans from two three-year-old children reveals new evidence of the remarkable impact a mother’s love has on a child’s brain development.
The chilling images reveal that the left brain, which belongs to a normal 3-year-old, is significantly larger and contains fewer spots and dark “fuzzy” areas than the right brain, which belongs to that of a 3-year-old who has suffered extreme neglect.
Neurologists say that the latest images provide more evidence that the way children are treated in their early years is important not only for the child’s emotional development, but also in determining the size of their brains.
Experts say that the sizeable difference in the two brains is primarily caused by the difference in the way each child was treated by their mothers.
While at first glance, the images might indicate that the child with the right brain might have suffered a serious accident or illness, neurologists said that the truth is that the child with the shrunken brain was neglected and abused by its mother, and the child with the larger and more fully developed brain was raised in a loving, supportive home and was looked after by its mother, according to The Sunday Telegraph.
Researchers told the UK newspaper that the image of the brain scan on the right shows that the child lacks some of the most fundamental areas that are present in the image of the brain scan on the left.
They say that the child on the left with the larger brain will be more intelligent and will be more likely to develop the social ability to empathize with others compared to the child on the right.
On the other hand, the child with the smaller brain on the right will be more likely to become addicted to drugs, be involved in violent crimes, be unemployed and dependent on government benefits in the future. (Source)
you never have to force yourself to change to “prove your abuser wrong” about whatever they said or implied about you. your traits or even flaws are never justification for the abuse you endured.
the end goal of recovering from abuse is not proving them wrong, being more successful than them, or anything of the sort if you don’t want to and/or can’t do any of the above. it’s living without the person(s) who hurt you, and being safe and happy doing whatever you feel the right path is for you.
you are strong and deserving of happiness on your own terms.
I-want-my-IWTV 