Sex is more than an act of pleasure; it’s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you’re a part of them.
“You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself first.”, I know plenty of people who deeply and romantically care about a person but don’t quite like themselves all too much. But what I find is that their relationships tend to be problematic. For example, they may settle for abusive relationships because they don’t think they’re deserving of more. Or they may take out their insecurities on their partner making it an unhealthy relationship.
EXACTLY. If you don’t love yourself, you won’t respect yourself enough to be in a good relationship because you don’t think you deserve it.
Or you think what you have is all anyone will ever be willing to give you.
A couple points I thought were important
ofcourse, this isn’t the case for every single person in the world. relationships are more complicated than that, but research has shown again and again how low self esteem effects relationships for the worse and also just the quality of your life for the worse. here’s an interesting book on that. I notice a lot of people with healthy relationships with low self-esteem feel like they’re undeserving of it and that in of itself is problematic.
self-love isn’t the same as narcissism. they are two vastly different things. self-love also isn’t about facials and pampering yourself. it’s about learning to accept who you are as a human being. it’s about quieting the inner critic inside of you and realizing that you are worthy and deserving of good things in life. here’s a website that maybe helpful
NO just because you can’t seem to love yourself doesn’t mean that you will never find a good partner. Not at all. It just means that perhaps you should work on yourself first and find happiness in your own company before seeking it out from someone else. We can’t control how other people behave and will find ourselves disappointed more often than not if we rely on external sources. Afterall, one of the paradoxes in life is that you find the perfect person when you are happily single.
A fandom that supports and encourages its members is a really great thing, (and I think this fandom does a wonderful job of it) but assuming that a fandom or any individual within it is required to do those things can be dangerous. A fandom and its members are not required to be your friends, your therapists, your fans, your critics, or your punching bags.
I almost said “some people may be triggered if they are expected to be” or “expecting this is bad for some people’s mental health,”
But really, that’s not the point.
If you just aren’t COMFORTABLE being somebody’s friend in the fandom,
If you just don’t WANT to be a problem-solver for people in your inbox,
If it is FRUSTRATING to be expected to reblog everyone’s art and writing,
That’s enough.
You don’t have to be neurodivergent or mentally ill or triggered or anything else to say “no” to interacting with asks, messages, or posts. Nobody should guilt you or force you into participating in discourse or other fandom member’s personal lives.
If you want to do these things, that’s wonderful of you. That’s great. You’re doing something awesome for the fandom. But you’re also allowed to just be here to have fun. Participation in a fandom requires nothing else.
On every level, Hiddleston is in: He’s there, he’s present, he’s yours, he’s heartfelt, he’s real. And that can be a double-edged Chitauri Scepter, since it leads to the stuff about Hiddleston that wounds him … The world might not be ready for the kind of earnestness and sincerity that comes along with Tom Hiddleston. I am here to tell you that we would be a much happier race of humans if it were. – Taffy Brodesser-Akner for GQ
So you’re a fanartist/fanfic writer who has recently gotten some hate for your content. Not about whether or not you draw good, I can’t help you with that, about how a stranger thinks you’re a bad person for your ships. You try to avoid discourse whenever possible because that’s what fans with common sense do, but suddenly discourse is thrown onto your doorstep like a half-drowned cat that has definitely tasted human flesh before. The last thing you want to do is get mixed up in a big argument or somehow become the next Tumblr pariah. What should you do?
1) Don’t Respond
It’s really tempting to clap back with some clever insult, but that’s not a good idea if you want to avoid an argument. It’s fine to just delete an ask or ignore a mean reblog. In fact, it’s probably more of an insult than actually responding with something. Antis want attention and it’s a real power move to deny them the spotlight.
2) Block
Blocking may seem like a drastic measure to some people, but it’s just a part of social media. If you dislike someone, you don’t have to talk to them. There’s plenty of other people in the world who aren’t assholes. Don’t be afraid to block the ones who are.
3) Take a Breath
There are 7.6 billion people on the planet. It doesn’t matter very much if one person hates you. Some people think the earth is flat and Queen Elizabeth is a lizard creature. People can be wrong. You’re not a bad person for your ships. What you explore in fiction doesn’t define your morality.
4) Talk to Someone Who Cares About You
I mean someone who actually cares about you. A parent, a close friend, a pet, it doesn’t really matter who, just that they actually care about you. These are the people who matter in your life. Not strangers on the internet who know exactly nothing about you, not some fandom hivemind that polices your morality, people who really care. They know you aren’t a bad person. They know you would never support terrible crimes or harm real people. You can tell them about the hate you got if that helps, I’m sure they’ll find it ridiculous.
5) Don’t Stop Creating
There’s no better way to spite antis than to make more art. Keep drawing your problematic otp, keep writing your darkfics, show them that their hate has done absolutely nothing to stop you. If you get more hate, start at step 1 again. Remember, anons can be ip blocked from your desktop inbox. If someone threatens your safety, report it to Tumblr and don’t be afraid to pursue legal action if it escalates. Death threats are not protected speech in the US and are considered a serious crime. But most of the time it won’t come to that. If you don’t engage with antis, eventually they’ll get bored and leave you alone.
Spring comic. Spring is when I miss living in the woods in Wisconsin the most, cool plants, morel mushrooms, my mom pulling wood ticks off my head… just wonderful.
If you like my comic and want to toss some money in my hat here’s a link.
I-want-my-IWTV 