If you’ve ever read my books, you know I maintain relationships merely because I’ve been lucky enough to find people who don’t throw me away when I reveal myself to be a complete and utter disaster who will sabotage everything we have if given half the chance. I’m a terrible person to give relationship advice.
So here, based on my own failings:
-Say you’re sorry. Mean it.
-But don’t say it all the time.
-Seriously, it loses all meaning.
-Even if you ARE sorry.
-No, sex with that other person isn’t worth it. Yes, I see how good looking they are. Trust me.
-Find ways to show love: notes, trinkets, kisses. Something to show that they are on your mind.
-But not gifts you’d rather just have for yourself, you idiot.
-Don’t buy them a house unless they asked for one.
-Don’t trick them into having children with you because you are afraid they’ll leave you.
-Don’t entrap them.
-Seriously, that one is never going to turn out the way you hope it will.
-Tell the truth. Even when it makes you look terrible.
-Trust them. Yes, especially when you don’t want to trust anyone.
-Tell them the things that scare you about yourself. If they are who you think they are, they can hold them for you.
-Know that they love you, even when they are so angry at you that they can’t bear to look at you.
-Say I love you. Yes, it’s going to hurt. Do it anyway.
“You forgot the most important point.
Allow yourself be loved. No matter how wretched and undeserving you feel.”
Tag Archives: on relationships
Guillermo del Toro at the TimesTalks discussion on The Shape of Water
Relationships get so bananas when you start deciphering the other person’s love language.
Like I thought I was just acquaintances with this person because they never told me details about themselves and we just talked movies and writing . But then they made time to have coffee with me and they showed up out of breath because they ran. Like. RAN to be on time for coffee with me?
And I was like “i don’t mind waiting” cause I never want to run
But they said they wanted every minute they could get because I’m so busy usually
Which is when it clicked that I didn’t get how much they considered me a friend because I just straight away didn’t see MY signs of affection in them and went “cool! Casual buds it is.” But now that I’m seeing their signs of affection, I feel a little silly for dismissing them like that even though I felt like we could be best bros.
Anyway, some people show affection through time or intensity or commitment and not vocally. I really have to remember that!
Fyi- just in case you didn’t know.
TOUCH got a bro that likes to give high fives? Back slaps? Are they a hugger? Do they not blink an eye at cuddles?
QUALITY TIME this bro will (as op stated) sprint to spend every minute possible with you. Every second that you guys are together is a declaration of affection.
WORDS does your bro tell you how amazing and great and fantastic and wonderful you are all the time? Guess what…?
GIFTS do they buy you coffee? Snacks, energy drinks, spot you at the restaurant? Did that one key chain removed you of them? Ding ding!
ACTS are they always doing things for you? Ie: Nah bro, I got this, I can do that, need me to get anything for you, I can help with…?
PRO TIP – The way people show love is often how they receive love as well.
I reblogged this recently but it got better and ive been thinking and learning a lot abt love languages so
Sex is more than an act of pleasure; it’s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you’re a part of them.
“You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself first.”, I know plenty of people who deeply and romantically care about a person but don’t quite like themselves all too much. But what I find is that their relationships tend to be problematic. For example, they may settle for abusive relationships because they don’t think they’re deserving of more. Or they may take out their insecurities on their partner making it an unhealthy relationship.
EXACTLY. If you don’t love yourself, you won’t respect yourself enough to be in a good relationship because you don’t think you deserve it.
Or you think what you have is all anyone will ever be willing to give you.
A couple points I thought were important
- ofcourse, this isn’t the case for every single person in the world. relationships are more complicated than that, but research has shown again and again how low self esteem effects relationships for the worse and also just the quality of your life for the worse. here’s an interesting book on that. I notice a lot of people with healthy relationships with low self-esteem feel like they’re undeserving of it and that in of itself is problematic.
- self-love isn’t the same as narcissism. they are two vastly different things. self-love also isn’t about facials and pampering yourself. it’s about learning to accept who you are as a human being. it’s about quieting the inner critic inside of you and realizing that you are worthy and deserving of good things in life. here’s a website that maybe helpful
- NO just because you can’t seem to love yourself doesn’t mean that you will never find a good partner. Not at all. It just means that perhaps you should work on yourself first and find happiness in your own company before seeking it out from someone else. We can’t control how other people behave and will find ourselves disappointed more often than not if we rely on external sources. Afterall, one of the paradoxes in life is that you find the perfect person when you are happily single.
Reblog again for the list of facts.
THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT
If you ask yourself “Would Gomez Addams treat me this way?” And the answer is no, move tf on from that situation.
If you’re a wlw ask if Morticia would ever treat you this way.
If the answer is no, move on.
“Is this how an Addams would behave?” Is the best way to make sure you’re being treated fairly and with love
Hello again, I have two questions to ask if you would kindly give me a moment or so of your time. The first actually regards to Marius,Armand, and Daniel ((again)). How would you say Daniel’s realtionship with Marius and Armand differ from one another but still hold similarities? The second question is more so a “what if” question. What if Louis’ brother had been turned and not Louis. How do you think Paul’s (( That’s his name right? )) story would have played out? Happy New Years Eve btw.
Bonjour! Happy very belated NYE to you, too, and I’m sorry this took so long, to be honest, your first question deals with a potentially very controversial topic.
I’m answering this publicly so other ppl can chime in if they feel comfortable doing so.
1|2 [How would you say Daniel’s relationship with Marius and Armand differ from one another but still hold similarities?]
^[X] I don’t know if this is a legit quote from Angelina Jolie (it’s more poignant now that they’re broken up, if so ;A;), BUT. I think the quote makes a good point.
A real relationship may not always be rainbows and sparkles. Someone seeing you at your worst and still loving you. It’s complicated. I know of relationships that seem to be all fluff on the surface, but underneath, resentment grows, when someone in it feels like they’re giving more than they feel is fair, but can’t communicate for fear of making it worse. When you confront your loved one with your issues, sometimes it gets ugly. That’s healthy, to be able to have those difficult conversations to improve things.
So when we compare fictional ships, like real life, there’s much that happens off-screen, whether in individual reader’s headcanons, or reported by unreliable narrators. We get info from canon and work with it.
Both ships you mention have potentially major controversial stuff about them and this is a blog for entertainment, so I don’t want to get deeply into that. But I would say, in my own reading, that I see both ships as having pairings who deeply care for each other, and express that love in different ways, and they’re not always able to do that smoothly.
Without meaning any disrespect to other fans, my own interpretation of these two ships is pretty superficial, as they involve characters I haven’t spent as much mental space exploring.
Daniel/Armand helped each other in many ways during the time that they were together. Daniel taught Armand about the modern world, gave him a will to live, and Armand was endlessly fascinating to Daniel, not only for being a vampire, but because of Armand himself. I do believe Daniel really and truly fell in love with Armand. Their sass was so complementary! And it was NOT all rainbows and sparkles for them, they had a feisty and rocky ship for 10 years!
The beginning of Daniel/Marius isn’t as explicit in canon… I remember just suddenly finding out sometime after QOTD that Daniel had gone to live with Marius and I was like, “Really?” and it seemed like Marius was in more of a caretaker role with him, as Daniel was somewhat mad, reeling from everything he’d experienced in QOTD, as can happen with fledglings for the first few months/years, and this developed into a legit canon ship between those two. Marius seems to have learned from the past that he can’t have a teacher/student ship and expect it to last, at least to my mind, he treats Daniel with the respect of an emotional equal. Maybe we’ll get more info on them in the next book.
2|2 [What if Louis’ brother had been turned and not Louis. How do you think Paul’s (( That’s his name right? )) story would have played out?]
[X] Yep his name is Paul. That’s really tough bc we barely get to know Paul, except that he’s 15, and deeply religious, ppl think he’s gone mad, so much so that he believes he really had visions of St. Dominic and the Virgin Mary. I think the killing-to-live aspect would have been totally rejected by such a religious person. He probably wouldn’t want to see his own family in his damned state, ever again ;A; Paul would probably rather go into the sun than feed on animals and enjoy any of the vampiric gifts.
The other way Paul might have gone is in deciding that Lestat was an actual angel, and choosing to redirect all his religious fervor towards Lestat… and we don’t need anyone doing that! Lestat says he wants to be worshiped, but I think these are the words of someone who was starved for affection in his formative years. He doesn’t want the unconditional love of a religious zealot, not really. He wants love that has to be earned, over and over again, and the reward of that love is that it’s genuine and not because he’s just that pretty.
So I think Lestat would tire of such a sycophant and move on, Paul would go into the sun.
Soulmates are not your ~other half~, that’s just nonsense. You are a whole person already, not half a person. A soulmate isn’t even inherently romantic. A soulmate is just the other sock in a matched set. You’re still a whole, complete sock on your own, you are perfectly functional paired with any other sock, it’s just that it’s even better when you match. A soulmate is literally just the person (or people) who makes your soul go “!!! Same hat!!!” and wave excitedly.
“You will be too much for some people. Those aren’t your people.”