If you’ve ever read my books, you know I maintain relationships merely because I’ve been lucky enough to find people who don’t throw me away when I reveal myself to be a complete and utter disaster who will sabotage everything we have if given half the chance. I’m a terrible person to give relationship advice.
So here, based on my own failings:
-Say you’re sorry. Mean it.
-But don’t say it all the time.
-Seriously, it loses all meaning.
-Even if you ARE sorry.
-No, sex with that other person isn’t worth it. Yes, I see how good looking they are. Trust me.
-Find ways to show love: notes, trinkets, kisses. Something to show that they are on your mind.
-But not gifts you’d rather just have for yourself, you idiot.
-Don’t buy them a house unless they asked for one.
-Don’t trick them into having children with you because you are afraid they’ll leave you.
-Don’t entrap them.
-Seriously, that one is never going to turn out the way you hope it will.
-Tell the truth. Even when it makes you look terrible.
-Trust them. Yes, especially when you don’t want to trust anyone.
-Tell them the things that scare you about yourself. If they are who you think they are, they can hold them for you.
-Know that they love you, even when they are so angry at you that they can’t bear to look at you.
-Say I love you. Yes, it’s going to hurt. Do it anyway.
“You forgot the most important point.
Allow yourself be loved. No matter how wretched and undeserving you feel.”
Relationships get so bananas when you start deciphering the other person’s love language.
Like I thought I was just acquaintances with this person because they never told me details about themselves and we just talked movies and writing . But then they made time to have coffee with me and they showed up out of breath because they ran. Like. RAN to be on time for coffee with me?
And I was like “i don’t mind waiting” cause I never want to run
But they said they wanted every minute they could get because I’m so busy usually
Which is when it clicked that I didn’t get how much they considered me a friend because I just straight away didn’t see MY signs of affection in them and went “cool! Casual buds it is.” But now that I’m seeing their signs of affection, I feel a little silly for dismissing them like that even though I felt like we could be best bros.
Anyway, some people show affection through time or intensity or commitment and not vocally. I really have to remember that!
Fyi- just in case you didn’t know.
TOUCH got a bro that likes to give high fives? Back slaps? Are they a hugger? Do they not blink an eye at cuddles?
QUALITY TIME this bro will (as op stated) sprint to spend every minute possible with you. Every second that you guys are together is a declaration of affection.
WORDS does your bro tell you how amazing and great and fantastic and wonderful you are all the time? Guess what…?
GIFTS do they buy you coffee? Snacks, energy drinks, spot you at the restaurant? Did that one key chain removed you of them? Ding ding!
ACTS are they always doing things for you? Ie: Nah bro, I got this, I can do that, need me to get anything for you, I can help with…?
PRO TIP – The way people show love is often how they receive love as well.
I reblogged this recently but it got better and ive been thinking and learning a lot abt love languages so
“You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself first.”, I know plenty of people who deeply and romantically care about a person but don’t quite like themselves all too much. But what I find is that their relationships tend to be problematic. For example, they may settle for abusive relationships because they don’t think they’re deserving of more. Or they may take out their insecurities on their partner making it an unhealthy relationship.
EXACTLY. If you don’t love yourself, you won’t respect yourself enough to be in a good relationship because you don’t think you deserve it.
Or you think what you have is all anyone will ever be willing to give you.
A couple points I thought were important
ofcourse, this isn’t the case for every single person in the world. relationships are more complicated than that, but research has shown again and again how low self esteem effects relationships for the worse and also just the quality of your life for the worse. here’s an interesting book on that. I notice a lot of people with healthy relationships with low self-esteem feel like they’re undeserving of it and that in of itself is problematic.
self-love isn’t the same as narcissism. they are two vastly different things. self-love also isn’t about facials and pampering yourself. it’s about learning to accept who you are as a human being. it’s about quieting the inner critic inside of you and realizing that you are worthy and deserving of good things in life. here’s a website that maybe helpful
NO just because you can’t seem to love yourself doesn’t mean that you will never find a good partner. Not at all. It just means that perhaps you should work on yourself first and find happiness in your own company before seeking it out from someone else. We can’t control how other people behave and will find ourselves disappointed more often than not if we rely on external sources. Afterall, one of the paradoxes in life is that you find the perfect person when you are happily single.
Soulmates are not your ~other half~, that’s just nonsense. You are a whole person already, not half a person. A soulmate isn’t even inherently romantic. A soulmate is just the other sock in a matched set. You’re still a whole, complete sock on your own, you are perfectly functional paired with any other sock, it’s just that it’s even better when you match. A soulmate is literally just the person (or people) who makes your soul go “!!! Same hat!!!” and wave excitedly.
The Addams family was, in fact, both magical and supernatural for its depiction of a healthy, loving, supportive, and fun married m/f couple.
This is now officially an Addams family appreciation post
In order to depict such purity and love in a m/f relationship, one must first set the foundation that these people are odd and not the norm. (per media standards)
They cared about their children, their children’s interests, and wanted the kids to always be true to themselves. How peculiar!
Gomez and Morticia never showed negative jealousy towards each other’s past love interests. Even going to far as complimenting them for being special to their true love. How bizarre!
They could forgive almost any character flaw in a friend or relative. The only thing that could not be forgiven was betrayals and pastels. Weird amirite?
Morticia is a woman’s woman. She allies herself with other women instead of competing with them. She even seeks to understand women different from herself and her beliefs. Strange.
Gomez wants Morticia to have whatever Morticia wants. He doesn’t give her permission, he actively supports her and motivates her. Fa-reaky.
Do you think this show was social commentary, stating that what we believe a normal life is is unattainable so long as we continue living life the way society expects, and when we live life the way we need to is when we live authentically despite what makes us different
Do you love me enough that I may be weak with you? Everyone loves strength, but do you love me for my weakness? That is the real test.
Maybe that’s what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all.
I-want-my-IWTV 