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im gonna liveblog interview with a vampire so get ready kids

brad pitt talking in monotone is the single weirdest and funniest thing i have ever seen

i think im developing a thing for 80s/90s christian slater

“how can i put you at ease?” idk maybe you shouldn’t have told him you’re a vampire 

six minutes in and there’s a montage with dramatic music and a deadpan monologue voice over provided by brad pitt i love this movie already

aaaaannnnnnnddd………….now they’re flying

they’re in mid air, tom cruise in a blond wig is drinking brad pitt’s blood, brad pitt made a sex noise when tom cruise detached himself from brad pitt’s neck, and then tom cruise dramatically dropped him into a river. i really do love this movie

as in all period dramas, there is a scene where a rich person in lacy nightclothes lies coughing and gravely ill in their massive bed in a huge mansion. even when the period dramas have vampires, there’s always this scene

question: how many times is tom cruise gonna attach himself to brad pitt’s neck in this film

also: how many more dramatic speeches is tom cruise gonna have, and how many more sex noises is brad pitt gonna make

this movie is so dramatic i can’t

do you mean to tell me that these two guys can just sit in a public tavern and casually drink someone’s blood in the corner until they die and no-one notices??

tom cruise: [offers him rat blood]

brad pitt: [makes an “is this bitch for real?” face]

brad pitt:

brad pitt:

brad pitt: [drinks it anyway]

tom cruise: read her thoughts

brad pitt: [makes an “is this bitch for real?” face]

brad pitt:

brad pitt:

brad pitt: [tries it anyway]

brad pitt: 

brad pitt: i can’t

the “NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” then the high pitched squeak/laugh i’m losing my shit

in other news, this immortal vampire is also a grape-throwing eight-year-old

HE’S DANCING WITH THE FUCKING CORPSE 

claudia: where’s mama??

lestat: [brief “oh shit what do i tell her without seeming like a homicidal maniac” moment]

lestat:

lestat:

lestat: she’s in heaven

they’re parents. its official. lestat and louis are an old married couple, complete with daughter. i can’t believe i don’t even have to make this up

“you’re mine and louis’ daughter now” gay vampire dads i cannot fucking believe this

claudia: eww dad when did u eat rats

louis: long time ago, before u were born 

louis, silently in his head: and it was bc of fucking lestat so don’t blame that shit on me

can’t believe claudia is having a teenage rage while louis is like OH NO BBY CALM DOWN and lestat is yelling NOT IN THE FUCKING HOUSE

the only thing not making this a scene from a domestic family comedy/drama is the dead body

there’s door-slamming and everything amazing

claudia: oh btw they’re dead ¯_(ツ)_/¯

lestat:

lestat:

claudia: ¯_(ツ)_/¯

lestat:

lestat: fuck

lestat: LOUIS

THIS WAS WORTH ALL THE DIGITAL INK IT WAS PRINTED WITH

“question: how many times is tom cruise gonna attach himself to brad pitt’s neck in this film”

Not enough times. NOT NEARLY ENOUGH TIMES.