A less than thorough summary of the Tale of the Body Thief

Lestat: WOW LIFE SUCKS ON THIS MAGICAL MALL ISLAND THAT DOUBLES AS OUR SAFE HAVEN (seriously what let me live there pls), GOING 2 THE DESERT, BE BACK NEVER
Other coven members: kay
Lestat: *gets a strong tan job* well fuck, i’m still alive, hi David
David: wat
Lestat: lol sweet pad bro
James: psssst hey kid, you wanna do some things?????
Lestat: UR DAMN RIGHT I WANNA DO SOME THINGS
David: LESTAT YOU CAN NOT SWITCH BODIES WITH THIS JAMES FELLOW HE IS A MONSTER AND A LIAR AND IT WILL END IN DISASTERRRRRRRRR
Lestat: i don’t see how this could possibly go wrong
David: did you even hear me?
Lestat: ok but
Louis: can u not *strops*
Lestat: LUMP OFF HAHAHAH I DO WHAT I WANT YOLOOOOO
Lestat/James: *Freaky Friday’d*
James: SMELL YA LATER *whoosh*
Lestat: rude…OOH DOGGIE 😀
Lestat: WAIT ALL OF THIS IS TERRIBLE BUT ALSO KINDA MAGICAL BUT MOSTLY TERRIBLE IDK WHAT I EXPECTED BUT PEEING IS GROSSSSsss….*pneumonia’d*
Gretchen: r u ok
Lestat: clearly not, Claudia
Grethcen: what
Lestat: what
Claudia: really though, r u ok, i’m not even really here
Claudia: p.s. you’re still an asshole
Lestat: 200 YEARS WILL GIVE YA’ SUCH A CRICK IN THE NECK
Gretchen: ur not that bad a person
Lestat: nah, i am tho. wanna smoosh, y/y
Gretchen: ok sure
Lestat: THAT WAS FUN *flies home*
Lestat: LOUIS MY LOV-
Louis: ENJOY AN ASS-HANDING– Oh…
Lestat: OW LOL WAIT HELP :(((((
Louis: NO SAVE URSELF
Lestat: Louis pls
Louis: ENJOY BEING ALIVE YOU TREMENDOUS LITTLE SHITTTttt… *disappears*
Lestat: I WILL BURN DOWN YOUR TRASH SHACK PLEB oh, so hey, Marius, while ur here-
Maruis: nah *disappears*
Lestat: Marius why đŸ˜„
Lestat: OH HI DAVID pls help I hecked up 😩
David: ok fine you scamp
Lestat: SHIT YES ROAD TRIP
Lestat: WE’RE ON A BOAT
David: Lestat pls
Lestat: wanna bump uglies
David: LESTAT FOCUS
Lestat: ok but do you
David: YOU MUST LEARN TO REDO THE THING
Lestat: :((((
David: in a few hours, we strike
Lestat: ok ok I GOT THIS
Lestat: DAMN I FORGOT HOW FINE I AM *puts on “Goodbye Horses”*
David: THE CHICKEN IS IN THE POT
Lestat: OK NOW????
David: yea, i brought a gun lol
Lestat: *SCHWIP*
James: gdi gdi gdi gdi
David: I’M TOO RICH TO DIE *blam*
Lestat: ??????
Lestat: PROFIT!!! zzzzz…
Lestat: DAVID WHERE ARE U
David: MIAMI, DUH AND/OR HELLO
Lestat: o i c
David: dark gift pls
Lestat: what, really, oka- WAIT JAMES YOU MOTHER FUCKER, LESTAT SMASH
David (James): x_x
Lestat: fuck oops
Lestat: *flies back* LOUIS LET’S REBUILD OUR HAPPY HOME
Louis: what
Lestat: wait, brb!! 😉 *gone*
Louis: um
David: writing is sweet
Lestat: lol nice hotel
David: YOU SCAMP
Lestat: how’s the whole being young again thing going for ya?
David: Lestat no
Lestat: David yes
David: OH GOD WHY- okay fine, but be gentle
Lestat: DRINKY DRINKY WELCOME TO THE *~*SAVAGE GARDEN*~*
David: woah, yeah this is pretty sweet, l8r tho
Lestat: DAVID WHERE ARE U
Lestat: I don’t know what I expected
Lestat: ugh w/e i’m a monster 😩 *flies home*
Louis: WELCOME HOME DOUCHE CANOE
Lestat: love u too boocakes
Lestat: wait what…David?????
David: ROAD TRIP PART 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO
Lestat: AWWWWWW YESSSS 3TP 5EVARRRRrrrr…
Lestat: Wow I am still so alone 😩
THE END

viktorry said:​

OH MY GOD IM SO GLAD I DECIDED TO READ VC IN ENGLISH!!!
the reason for censorship is that poland is very religious and homophobic and everythingphobic (hello, SLOVIAN 2ND WORLD COUNTRY, even feminism is considered “the american agenda to destroy our traditions”), its getting slightly better but back then when translation was taking place it was even worse. plus, polish translators are shit in the first place.
the first thing ill do as a translator will be ACCURATELY translating vc.

*Salutes* GOOD. Glad someone is taking up the cause to correct this egregious censorship! The Polish faction of the VC Fandom deserves UNABRIDGED CANON.

image

merciful-death:

ooc; Sometimes I like to imagine the vampires suddenly becoming human and like, Louis feeding Lestat super fucking spicy cajun food and Lestat being unable to handle it.  And Louis vs. Daniel drinking contest on who can be the biggest alcoholic train-wreck.  And Armand being forced to drink his own blender concoctions.

devilsfool:

​//I 100% think about this all the time. And the thirteen year old in me imagines Louis and Lestat having kids together—specifically twins surrogated by Pandora, and they win the lottery of IVF, each of them ending up fathering a kid. 

I’M NOT A FREAK, YOU’RE A FREAK. 

#AU #FANFIC REQUAST

You know Louis would kick Daniel’s butt at Quarters (the drinking game). For one thing he has mad skills w/ throwing things ;]

People who commit monstrous crimes are not necessarily monsters. If they were, things would be easy. But they aren’t and it is one of the experiences of life.

Bernhard Schlink (via devilsfool)

“People
don’t do things to be evil, they do things because
they think they’re right, and they think what they’re doing is right and it
just so happens that it can be evil to others.”

– Tom Cruise, re: Lestat de Lioncourt 

Lestat on a rocking horse, did I miss your birthday? I’m so sorry, I hope you had a great time! Keep up the good work!

Merci beaucoup! I did indeeeed *u* 

Look what I found, speaking of Lestat on a rocking horse


image

by garama, of course, who is one day going to beat me up for constantly reposting his magnificence BUT WHATEVER I WILL TAKE IT LIKE A MAN. 

Oh it’s your birthday? Happy Birthday!! :D

Thank you! :} 

image

[sauce]

Indeed, it was, on 3/16, but I sneakily hid that information in the tags on a memeything that day, so it’s understandable that it was missed ;]

Like who announces IT’S MY BIRTHDAY SEND ME LOVE? Maybe I’ll just do that next year, lol