“Imagine you’re at a party. A guy offers you a drink. You say no. He says ‘Come on, one drink!’ You say ‘no thanks.’ Later, he brings you a soda. ‘I know you said you didn’t want a drink, but I was getting one for myself and you looked thirsty.’ For you to refuse at this point makes you the asshole. He’s just being nice, right? Predators use the social contract and our own good hearts and fear of being rude against us. If you drink the drink, you’re teaching him that it just takes a little persistence on his part to overcome your ‘no.’ If you say ‘Really, I appreciate it, but no thanks’ and put the drink down and walk away from it, you’re the one who looks rude in that moment. But the fact is, you didn’t ask for the drink and you don’t want the drink and you don’t have to drink it just to make some guy feel validated.” —The Art of “No” (Jennifer P.)
I’ve never seen this post with the original caption before. I thought I loved it simply from the photography but the depth of the meaning behind it…. Wow.
Women are socialized to make men feel good. We’re socialized to “let you down easy.” We’re not socialized to say a clear and direct “no.” We’re socialized to speak in hints and boost egos and let people save face. People who don’t respect the social contract (rapists, predators, assholes, pickup artists) are good at taking advantage of this. “No” is something we have to learn. “No” is something we have to earn. In fact, I’d argue that the ability to just say “no” to something, without further comment, apology, explanation, guilt, or thinking about it is one of the great rites of passage in growing up, and when you start saying it and saying it regularly the world often pushes back. And calls you names.
The suit I made for iasg to wear in the fashion show fits my little sister!
Earlier this week she asked me what she should be for Halloween and I said “Lestat!” She hasn’t even seen Interview With The Vampire, but she likes the suit and has wavy blonde hair, so she’s going as Lestat.
(I know it doesn’t look exactly like what he wore in the movies, but it’s the right era and quite close to his colour scheme. Pretty darn good for something I already had in my closet!)
I had forgotten about this but she didn’t end up wearing it on Halloween. Said it wasn’t comfortable enough to wear for that many hours.
She may not know him but she’s got the posing right *u*
^it doesn’t even matter what Lestat’s thinking about this cosplayer, he should be shot down regardless.
I-want-my-IWTV 