vampireapologist:

thepsychoticfuckingbiotic:

vampireapologist:

xxdarthvaderofmiddle-earthxx:

thecosmicjackalope:

vampireapologist:

unlimitedgoats:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

one time i was on an old street in glasgow and i made a loud joke about vampires and as i did this beautiful man with long hair on the other side of the street made direct eye contact with me and then ten minutes later he walked by again and looked at me and I still count that on my list of the five closest times I’ve ever come to dying

likely: I am just too loud to not look at in public places and he was just lost downtown

also likely: vampire, scoping me out for the kill

maybe the vampire just thought you were hot and funny?

a vampire finding u hot and interesting is AS bad as them finding you ugly and annoying as far as the Trying To Remain Human And Alive thing goes

It must be hard for the vampire too. Technically as they prey on humans for their blood, they rank higher than us in the food chain. To them, we are but sentient sandwiches. A vampire finding a human attractive has my eternal sympathy, because it’s basically like falling in love with a sandwich and that must be difficult to process.

Any vampire can see me like a human sandwich and I’d still want to be around them. Are there vampires? I’m in! ❤

LOVE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You’re a fucking vampire APOLOGIST. What are you even saying rn

I DON’T!!! APOLOGIZE FOR ANYONE WHO IS. ACTIVELY EATING ME!!! AS MY FRIEND I HOPE YOU WOULDn"T EITHER