#SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT HOW HE DIDN’T BLAME HER #AND HOW HE LOVES HER #AND I CRY #LESTAT DE LIONCOURT #CLAUDIA #VAMPIRE CHRONICLES
#Why would u do dis #oh gawd #HE DIDN’T BLAME HER #AND HOW HE LOVES HER #cries forever #;A;
#like he is apologetic here and seeking warmth from her right as she is about to try to assassinate him #she has the knife already tucked into her outfit #;A; #might he have changed her mind if he had played this moment just a little differently?
My temper is extraordinarily foul this day….approach with caution.
Don’t make me regret whatever horrible thing happens to you if you do.
Oh, my lord the harecatcher. So frightening, so intimidating.
Bring it on, you piece of shit.
I pity you….don’t ask me to elaborate. *turns away and goes back to writing, ignoring you and your cry for attention*
Excellent. The feeling is mutual.
Non, I don’t think the feeling is mutual….far from it.
I was always meant for something greater and I was going to obtain it one way or another. You provided the catalyst…descriptions of Paris and beyond, the spark that became a wildfire inside me. I had to go and I would have done so with or without you.
You, who attached yourself to the illiterate, ignorant but hopeful youth that I was. You, who disgraced your father and dashed all his hopes for you. You who clung to the shadow of greatness that was Mozart for mere scraps. You who dissolved your dark thoughts at the bottom of a bottle every night. You who languished in obscurity and petty jealousies.
I dragged you everywhere when I should have let you lay in that elaborate sarcophagus you’d already created for yourself long before we were ever really close, waiting to die….so that you’d earn your adoration after your early demise. “So sad, so beautiful, such a promising life cut short!”
And THAT is why I pity you…second fiddle! You are petty, jealous and malcontent with anything and everything you ever wanted! I was too much for you and when I tried lifting you towards greatness with me, you backhanded me with your “madness” that was an utter lie! You weren’t mad! You were only more fully yourself…..even more the pitiable soul and when I saw this, I knew there was to be no help for you on this Earth that I could provide to satisfy you, toxic creature!
Spare me the poisoned words that would drip from your lips in response. They are so much mist against my coat. The cold breath of an angry ghost against one whose mind is currently the father of Winter, of Death. You cannot hurt me any longer, even when I can spare you a memory.
First of all, let it be known loud and clear that I am not willing to speak openly about my sex life with Louis, if only for fear of it coming to a screeching halt for my lack of respect to his privacy. So I’m not going to talk about Louis and what predilections he may or may not have towards oral sex.
That being said, you should know that any reticence towards oral sex in our relationship has never come from Louis, but from me.
I have a complicated relationship with oral sex, for reasons I won’t go into. But what you should know in regards to your Significant Other is this:
Do they want to do it? If so, be patient. It will happen with time.
Do they love you? Then be patient. Be encouraging. Be kind.
Someone who is “shy” about giving/receiving oral sex has a reason, and that reason is probably psychological. While it isn’t necessarily your job to dig into those psychoses, it is your job as their lover and better half to know and understand what they may be, and to be with them as they traverse the complicated path of their past/fears/baggage.
Again, I say, be patient. Be their lover in every sense of the word.
The most patient man in the world held my hand in the rediscovery of the world of physical love, and I owe him far more than he will ever truly know.
And, not to brag, but his patience paid off. In spades.
-wink-
//So five hundred years ago, I took requests for fics. sheepskeleton asked to see something about Daniel emerging from his madness and the transitory period under Marius’ care, where their relationship turned from caretaker and mad man into something more even-footed and solid. I have no idea if I’ve done that justice, but here I offer a series of vignettes spanning several months, of Daniel slowly crawling out of that hole under Marius’ careful watch.
It’s about 1,900 words, and mostly under the cut to spare your dash. Thanks to damnitarmand for a quick beta read. Sorry for any typos I’ve missed. I’m sure there are plenty.
—–
It sounds cliche, but the first time I really emerge from the haze of madness, the colors of my model world look brighter. Clearer, too, like I’ve been seeing through fogged up lenses and suddenly the glass is clean. I set down the paint brush. I’ve been painting tiny green pine trees and gluing them to a mountain. It looks good, exactly like the world seen from a plane. That real. Who knew the reporter boy was secretly a miniatures prodigy?
Cold washes over me, making my ivory skin tingle. Just how long have I been here, putting together model worlds and laying tiny train tracks? From the look of things, a while. But I don’t know. And that’s fucking terrifying.
I stand, pushing back from the table. The sleeves of my gray shirt are covered in splotches of paint and glue. I push them up over my elbows. My jeans are marked with more paint streaks, and paint covers my hands. It’s under my fingernails. Suddenly I feel itchy and need to wash. I find the restroom down the hall and scrub, paint turning the water in the sink blue, green, and then a muddy brown. I stand there washing until the water runs clear but it’s not enough. I still feel dirty so I keep washing, standing over the sink like Lady Macbeth, watching soapy water swirl down the drain until Marius comes and turns off the tap.
He gives me a hard look. Serious, but not angry.
“Come, Daniel,” he says, and puts his arm around my waist.
“There was paint…” I start. I glance back at the sink as he leads me toward a bedroom. I recognize it, vaguely, as my own. The one given to me when Marius brought me here. The bedspread is a deep purple and the curtains are thick, with heavy blinds behind them to block out the sun. I have not slept here often. Usually I pass out in front of my craft table. He walks me to the bed and pulls off my shoes.
“I can do that,” I say, sharply.
“Of course,” he says, but not like he really believes it. When he leaves, I pull the purple cover over my head and cry and I don’t even know what I’m crying about.
Okay guys, I know everyone is tired of seeing these posts, but I really have no where else to go. The pictures above are from the house that my family was recently forced to move into. It’s in terrible condition, and would honestly probably be condemned if someone were to inspect it. This is the only possible place for my family to stay, and we desperately need money to make it livable.
To add some backstory, I live with my disabled mother–her back and legs don’t function properly and she has to use a walker/wheelchair–my 13 year old sister, and my partner. Recently, my mother was able to get a divorce from her very abusive husband (My father was physically, mentally, and sexually abusive towards my mother, as well as mentally abusive towards me.). After their split, we were forced to move from place to place–first a motel, then a trailer, then my Great Grandmother’s house. We stayed with my Great Grandma for almost 3 years before she recently decided that she didn’t want us staying with her anymore (I can only guess 2 transgenders and a queer 13 year old were too much for her Christian sensibilities.), and she kicked us out on the street.
For a week we had no place to go. We were homeless. Eventually, my Grandmother was able to salvage a house that she owns for us to stay in; and while I’m so grateful to have a place for my family to stay, daily life in this house is impossible. There are holes in all the walls, some as big as my head; the ceiling is falling down in the hall, laundry room, and bathroom; the floor is rotted in places and cracked from the shifting foundation in others; the list just goes on and on. Pictured above, in order:
-A hole in the bathroom wall. My hand for size comparison.
-Holes above me and my partner’s bed.
-The broken cooktop, which doesn’t work at all, and the scorchmarks from where it caught on fire.
-The bathroom, after we cleaned it. The shower is moldy, the paint is peeling, and the floor behind the toilet is rotted.
-One of the many cracks left from the foundation shifting apart.
-The missing bit of ceiling in the laundry room.There are so many more problems that can’t be photographed–like the fact that the microwave is the only working appliance or the fact that the laundry room has caught on fire once since we’ve been here.
I’m really at my wits end. We’ve all tried so hard to get jobs, but it’s proved impossible with my mother’s disability and my severe GAD. We desperately need money to fix at least a few of these problems. Any sort of donation we could get would help–even if it’s just $5 to go towards some patches to cover the holes in the walls.
I have a gofund me set up already if anyone wants to go look at it and maybe donate. This is the link. Or, if it’s easier you can send us money via paypal ( trentowensby@gmail.com ). We’re just really riding on the hopes that we can find a little extra money, even if it’s just 20 more dollars.
Thank you for reading this, and I really hope some of you will donate, or at least reblog so that other people can see u.u
Long update under the cut, including how much money we’ve raised and what we’ve managed to fix. Even if you don’t take a look under the cut, please know that despite having fixed many of the problems, we’re still very far away from making this house a safe place to live. Please don’t let this post die out! Please continue to share this and donate if at all possible. We’re still at a very dire point where even another 5 dollars could make or break our situation.
Reblogging for the update and continued signal boosting, help a VC fandom member out, show some $ love! If you can’t, please reblog.
Look, I try not to do these too often for obvious reasons. I don’t know this person. I’m fortunate that I have a job, and can afford to be financially supportive when possible. Rarely do I see these kinds of posts share an update as detailed and specific as this one, and it makes it very real.
What if you were in this situation? Can you imagine the amount of strength it takes to ask strangers for financial support?
TL;DR: My point is this: All of this tumblr content you enjoy is free (aside from whatever you pay your internet provider and whatever device(s) you paid for to access it). I don’t have a ‘Donate’ tip jar on my blog. All of my content is free.
If you enjoy this stuff, please consider how little even $5 would be to pay for the years of material I (and others) have produced for your pleasure in our archives.
Take that $5 (or more! *u*) and send it to someone whose life would be significantly improved by it.
new & improved commission info!
will draw pretty much anything; quad/anthro/mecha/nsfw is fine. ask me if you’re unsure! not doing detailed digital paintings/traditional commissions at the moment, sorry.
please contact me via my ask box or email (keelish at hotmail dot com), the latter being the preferred option due to my inactivity on tumblr. :J
SLOTS:
1. open
2. open
Sherlock BBC and Only Lovers Left Alive crossover, because – why not?
I think that we are designed to be supreme predators, our instincts finely tuned, our bodies and minds honed to withstand time…with some caveats below. I think that we are often silent witnesses to the passage of time….how history repeats itself. If we’re looking at it from a physical standpoint, then yes…I think we’re superior.
Now on a mental, spiritual level, I need to elaborate.
Sometimes, I do think we’re better than humans. Aside from our occasional squabbles and naturally solitary nature, we live in relative harmony with each other…whereas human beings are slaughtering each other in the streets if they don’t like their ideas, lifestyles or perhaps even how they look. The more civilized and advanced humans become, there is an equally savage and primitive reaction. There is an acute misery in the human condition. How that precious time, that finite lifespan, is often squandered, utterly wasted. They spend so much of their time worrying about petty issues, things that affect themselves right now and then burying their heads in the sand over global issues..things that can affect the long term, future generations.
Yet vampires have their drawbacks. We are often trapped within the confines of our time and have difficulty transitioning out of being echoes of our own pasts. We become the moral dictators, making our own judgments on who lives and who dies. We can be contradictory creatures….say one thing, do another. That solitary nature that I referred to earlier, makes us incredibly lonely…but enduring the company of another for centuries is often difficult because of our core, contrary state of being. We have a constant need for new blood and use our fledglings as crutches, to guide us through life because we are so easily lost and stray from the traditional paths. Because time moves differently for us, we can become completely absorbed in a single moment, a solitary object….glance up and months have passed. We can retain vast amounts of information but we are without practical application….sometimes what we carry with us, makes us lose our minds. We become walking revenants or spectres. There is also a cognitive dissonance for us and often, our beliefs and attitudes are quickly outdated, antiquated. For humans, it’s adapt or die. For vampires, we needn’t really adapt for us to survive…but it makes it hellishly difficult for us to live among our prey if we don’t keep up appearances at least.
In humans, I admire their ingenuity, their creative spark, the ability to adapt to each new situation and their tenacity for life….to persevere despite enormous challenges that threaten their very existences.
So in short, the answer is that each has it’s benefits and drawbacks. I can’t rightly say that one is superior to the other….I often believe that we are the dark mirror, reflecting the shadows of humans. We’re symbolic….hunger and primal lust disguised as gentiles in our fashion and finery. Our immortality and physical attributes are what all humans strive for….to live longer, to become stronger, to obtain and retain more information, to become more while we long for just a little more humanity….to feel as they do, to love, to create and move through this world with a bit of wonder at it’s fragile beauty.
