♛You might not ever find love. Or it may be right around the corner. Who can tell? 

Let go of any feelings of inadequacy for this, if you feel it. Too many people think of life as a series of required chapters or items on a checklist that must be accomplished, and therefore, the failure to achieve them implies a failure in you.

Absolutely not so. “Failure.” “Success.” Let go of these idiotic societal concepts. It’s far worse to settle for having someone in your life who goes through the motions of loving you, but doesn’t. Someone you don’t love. Someone you project your fantasies onto. Someone you want so badly to love you the way you need to be loved. So many people fall into this trap; locked to someone they end up despising sooner or later. 

All the loves of my life were found when I pushed past my comfort zone.*  One thing is certain, love won’t find you if you close yourself off from the possibility and opportunity. I found Louis in pursuit of keeping my diet strictly evildoer, and there he was, too dignified to do it himself, throwing himself to the wolves in the hopes that they would slay him. Something led me there, among all the other dens of sin I might have gone to that night. Did fate lead me to him? I like to think so. 

*Not that I have much of a comfort zone to begin with *shrugs*

But here’s the biggest mistake about finding love: Don’t look for your “other half.” Don’t look for someone to “complete” you. I know that there are codependent people out there in this world who find each other and they do consider what they have to be love (I even tried such myself), and I can’t really fault them if it works for them, but in my experience, that’s a kind of infatuation. To expect someone to complete you is almost to build in disappointment because only you can truly complete you.

The best relationships I’ve had were/are unions of equals. Where each person is whole. Where they have complimentary talents, skills, temperaments. Where they support each other vigorously. Where they push each other, gently, to be better. You have something in you to give. You may not have discovered it yet. Perhaps someone will help draw it out of you. 

Even then, lovers may not last forever. Don’t expect someone to stay with you just because you both fell in love with each other once. People change. I have had intense relationships that felt like they would last forever and in fact ended horrendously. I took the pleasure with the pain. I wish I had reconciled with some of my exes better than I did, but I’ve learned from every breakup, I don’t dwell on the past in frustration, instead, I try to take the mistakes constructively. (Okay admittedly I do still beat myself up over certain failures, still. I’m the best at beating myself up. Why let an amateur do it when I can enjoy punishment from a professional? *weary sigh*)

You are whole as you are. Look at your triumphs in this life, look how far you’ve come. Look where you want to go, what you want to do. Give yourself some love.

And then love may just find you.