It scared me to realize this. To know that I could treat another living thing, […], in the same way I was treated. There had been no learning, no evolution. There had been simply programming. And then I thought, maybe seeing for myself means something, makes a difference. Maybe this insight alone is like the ape-to-man chart they show you in school. Maybe I was slumped over before, dragging my knuckles. But now, right now, maybe I am just a little more upright. This was my hope.
So much advice to give, and yet, when others have given me advice it often fails to sink in until I’ve learned it the hard way… that’s why the “brat” part was wedged into my title *sighs*
There’s too much to tell, and I’d rather not bother with the obvious things your maker should have taught you, or if you lacked one as I did, things you learned yourself in the first few nights (for your sanity: try to keep to a diet of evildoers only, try to cover up your kills, try not to kill in your home, spare no expense on lair security, etc.)…
But I’ll give you a few other choice pieces that I’ve picked up along the way, which can apply to mortals as well:
Can I tell you a secret, though? My favorite style of art isn’t mine. It isn’t realism.
I like what I make because it feels the most like me. And I like lots of kinds of art, but my favorite styles that I like looking at the most are probably not what you’d expect from a photorealist. I like things like animated gifs and fan art and street art and vaporwave and amateur comics. I like selfies and cosplay and little kinky cartoons and monsters and cats in space. You know why that stuff is my favorite? Because it’s not about being “good.” Or being realistic or whatever. It’s about being yourself. To me, “good” art is when you can see the artist in the art. My favorite style of art is the artist.
And everyone is already themselves, you know? Everyone has opinions about what is pretty or what inspires them. Everyone has an artist in them. You just gotta figure out how to show it, which you will. All it takes is time and practice.
Omg I know, wouldn’t it be lovely for them to just flop into eachothers’ arms and smile and laugh and everything is all sparkles and rainbows again? *u*
Relationships – platonic or romantic – are not guaranteed, they change and evolve over time. Even marriages fail! When Nicki asks for the Dark Gift, it’s not to be with Lestat, it’s what he thinks he deserves, one of the last gifts Lestat can give him to apologize. They were good for each other at one time, and grew apart. I think they both loved the idea of each other more than the ppl they really were, as often happens in relationships.
As a side note: I really didn’t realize there was so much love for Nicolas until I got on tumblr! I think he represents this generation’s disillusionment with society at large better than Lestat does, Nicolas’ rebellion is a modern-era grunge rebellion, bc he HAS TALENT, and is angry with the way it’s recognized, angry with so much about the way the world runs on autopilot, angry with societal ideals of success. He probably does have some mental issues, too, and I think this generation is more comfortable “coming out” with BPD, or manic-depression, etc. than in 18th century France or at the time TVL was written… with some counseling and/or medication, he might have had a better life.
So if Nicki came back:
If Nicki came back, they might get a little closure as long as they had a mediator present in the room to prevent carnage from breaking out. But they broke up on such bad terms that really, nothing can heal that breakage ;A; At this point, civil is probably the best they could manage, even though Lestat would probably bend over backwards if he thought he could get better than civil from Nicki.
Ask a Lestat or Nicolas RPer and they might have a more detailed answer on this, but anytime I see those muses interact with eachother, it’s pretty strained, and only slightly better if the thread takes place when they’re both still mortal.
BC let’s face it, by the time Lestat’s star was rising at the theatre, Nicolas was withdrawing deeper into himself and had had just about enough of Lestat’s bouncy optimism.
After Nicolas is turned he admits as much:
“It was to hurt others, don’t you see, the violin
playing, to anger them, to secure for me an island where they could not rule. They
would watch my ruin, unable to do anything about it.” I didn’t answer. I
wanted him to go on.
“And
when we decided to go to Paris, I thought we would starve in Paris, that we
would go down and down and down. It was what I wanted, rather than what they
wanted, that I, the favored son, should rise for them. I thought we would go
down! We were supposed to go down.” – Nicolas, The Vampire Lestat
Hit the jump for a little more, cut for length.
I think Nicki and Lestat needed eachother in the beginning and were very well-matched, they seem to be the first to really love eachother in the cruel environment they came from. They encouraged eachother to be better ppl, they were mutually supportive.
It all fell apart in Paris, and even if Lestat hadn’t been kidnapped by Magnus, it’s doubtful their relationship could have lasted.
The betrayal Nicolas felt when Lestat just disappeared that night was too great. Lestat leaves in the middle of the night, screaming, and reports that he’s fallen in love with some wealthy lady? No amount of gifts and money he sent to Nicolas could really substitute Lestat physically being with Nicolas the way that they were.
Book characters that at first make you think “Holy shit this guy is an asshole” and by the end make you think “If anyone touches this person I will destroy them” are the best tbh
I learned early on about the sanctity of thought. You may be in an abusive environment where you either cannot or will not speak your mind, but you can think whatever you want to think, and no one can hear those thoughts but you. That’s your personality in there. That’s you in there. You may feel small and stifled, tense and silent, but the core of what makes you you is still there. You can’t let it out right now, but you can hear and and feel it. It’s still there and once the environment changes, it will sing aloud again.
You’re safely tucked away inside yourself. Give it time–soon, you’ll be able to stretch your legs again.
I-want-my-IWTV 