I can’t speak for Daniel’s transition, but from what he told me, what made it into the record that I compiled as the novel Queen of the Damned… he originally wanted the Dark Gift because he fell in love with Louis’ story, and wanted a seat at our table, so to speak. When he met Armand, it became about wanting to be with Armand, made so much more frustrating because of Armand’s struggle to accept Daniel, whether to bring him over.
Then, when that had been overcome, there was Daniel as a fledgling; there are so many physical and emotional changes that happen to a vampire during that time that few of us really experience it as a very “graceful” time. I famously vomited up my own blood and then, in a state of delirium, licked it off the stone floor of a filthy cell full of rotten corpses! Among many other grotesque things that happened in those first nights.* Two exceptions to the awkward fledgling phase: Gabrielle and Claudia, who both bloomed in their own ways, very gracefully, as fledgling vampiresses.
Advice…
One thing is for sure, satisfaction is not guaranteed, ma petite. In every sense of the phrase.
The process itself is dangerous. It’s called the Dark “Trick” for a reason. Your maker has to kill you first. It’s extremely erotic, but extremely painful. They have to actually forcibly pull your life away entirely – and you’ll fight them through it if you want to survive – and then feed a demon, a kind of cancer, into your body and soul. We still don’t know if it’s contamination or evolution. And it doesn’t always work.
There are worse things than death.
//ooc: *@gairid/@vampchronfic has such a beautiful and tragic story about another thing Lestat did in those first nights, that you really should read it, We Are Our Own Saviors (Chapters 15-16). #Damn you and your perfect headcanon perfection ;A;
Lestat continues after the jump, cut for length.
♛The other aspect of being a vampire: Killing. Few people seem to realize how customer-service oriented this lifestyle really is. You’ll have to kill people, or practice the Little Drink (most fledglings have difficulty stopping mid-kill). If you are able to master it, you’ll spend even more nightly time pursuing more victims than just the few that would satisfy you if you killed them. Killing means you have to find fewer, but still, victims. Louis refused to choose, feeling unworthy of making that choice. Could you do it? Really? Or, you can not choose. As he later was able to embrace. Could you do that?
Louis’ practice of drinking animal blood as a substitute for human blood for his first few years, I’m convinced that’s one of the reasons he was so weak for so long. And so cranky! For whatever reason, animal blood is just not as satisfying for us as human blood is, and I would speculate that it has something to do with the difference in souls. Not to say animal souls are lesser; Mojo had more soul than so many humans I’ve met. But there is a difference. So the animal solution is the vampire equivalent of eating fast food, and it takes its toll.
Those are the main concerns, that young naive mortals should consider seriously before they agree to become one of us. There are many more, but these seem to be required for everyone. Should you be offered the choice to take the Dark Gift, your maker would be having these conversations with you, specific to you, and to them, about other considerations.
(ooc; Not sure how serious you are, but, Reminder: if you have already taken something or done something to harm yourself please call 911. If you haven’t done anything and if you’re thinking about suicide, please talk to the suicide hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) in the U.S., to find a suicide helpline outside the U.S., visit IASP or Suicide.org. Please read Suicide Help.)
♛My dear, I’m so sorry to read this message. My heart aches for you.
There are times when yes, the loneliness overtakes me. I do feel emptiness at times, moreso in those times I was betrayed by the ones closest to me. Not to revisit that… but the emptiness you are describing seems to be a deeper one than what I experienced. Again, my heart aches for you.
Sometimes solitude is needed, just to get to know myself once again, so that I can return to my loved ones.
Because that’s really the answer, at least for me, time spent with your loved ones has healing properties. Do you have any pets? Or know anyone who does? I’ve found that rolling around with a sizable dog (or several!) can also cure me of many of these gutwrenching feelings, those insidious negative voices that creep in. The healing power of dog cuddles may not be complete but it is still substantial.
If you don’t have anyone you can go to, there are professionals out there who can help. One group is called the
Samaritans.
The Dark Gift is not, generally, a quick fix. You bring yourself with you, and all your own experiences, all your own baggage. It enhances who you already are, for better or worse. I found that out with my beloved Nicki. Knowing what I know now about him, would I still give him the Dark Gift? I desperately want to say yes, but I don’t think it “fixed” him. Not by a long shot. It made him into another version of himself. Purified him. It seemed to release him from his life-long act of being a civilized person, which he detested.
In the absence of everything else I’ve suggested, one other cure: Stories. Read. Watch movies. Listen to music. Eat your favorite foods. Read my first book again, and see how I dealt with obstacle after obstacle, take inspiration from my example. Or, and I can’t believe I’m suggesting this: read Louis’ book. Know that he experienced similar feelings to yours. He survived it.
You are not alone. Get the help you need, or cure yourself, or both! Validate yourself if no one else will. Care for yourself as if you were your own best friend. There were so many times when that’s all I could do for myself, for years. Decades, even. If I had given up, at any of those times, I would not be here to offer you this: I survived. So can you.
[^Portrait of moi by the amazingly talented @vaciel, it’s a WIP, I hope they finish it someday]
(Let’s assume I don’t get to choose or stay w/ my maker, and I don’t get to choose to be w/ the VC characters bc then this answer would be impossibly long. I’ll respond to those aspects in separate posts if anyone is interested.)
What would I do with my immortality? SO MANY. Vampiring: I would probably be the slayer of the evildoer, following in Lestat’s footsteps, but I’d also want to try wild animals like his mom does… I would write all about it, for sure. Every power and every limitation. The killing part of it would probably be tedious some nights and I would complain about having to go to those seedy places for my victims, and I would probably get into situations that would be somewhat out of my control and get shot in the back and I’d come home and complain about it even louder while my mom, a doctor, extracts the bullet fragments and stitches me back up and says “I told you so,” in so many words. “What, what did you tell me, Mom?” “Be careful what you wish for, obviously.” idk if I would turn my parents but it would be hard not to bc I love them.
We’re assuming I figure out the financial aspect bc currently I do not spend enough time and energy on that… I would need a good cash flow to support my adventures and artistic pursuits. I’d commission artists of all kinds, I’d maybe put together a studio collective, let ppl work at night with me or they could work during the day, I don’t really mind, as long as their work gets done. Probably have multiple projects of different kinds going on at any given time.
I wish I could say I would work on social justice causes, and maybe I would. I wouldn’t want the kind of exposure that might make me a target though, so if I did try to make the world a better place, it would be through my studio’s works, or financial support, or some other private way.
Emotionally, I would need a companion or two, so I would immediately turn my best friend into a vampire, she can have it now or wait until later but she does not has my permission to die. I have other friends I would want to bring with me, but I would be very selective, bc you’re stuck w/ these ppl for eternity, or they go mad and suicide, or the Dark Gift doesn’t work… soooo, I’d be picky about them.
Well I found it! In TVL, when Armand is telling Lestat and Gabrielle his story:
“In quiet allegiance to the Dark Ways, Armand
continued to serve. Yet in the centuries of his long obedience, Armand
kept two secrets to himself. These were his property, these secrets,
more purely his than the coffin in which he locked himself by day, or
the few amulets he wore. The first was that no matter how great his
loneliness, or how long the search for brothers and sisters in whom he
might find some comfort, he never worked the Dark Trick himself.
He wouldn’t give that to Satan, no Child of Darkness made by him.”
Hit the jump for more, cut for length.
Still in TVL, that quote above is right after he’s gone over how he’s seen so many vampires die:
In this particular, let
Armand observe that there was no vampire then living who was more
than three hundred years old. No one alive then could remember the
first Roman coven. The devil frequently calls his vampires home….
He had witnessed
the inevitable dissolution of covens, seen immortality defeat the most
perfectly made Children of Darkness, and it seemed at times some
awesome punishment that it never defeated him. Was he destined to
be one of the ancient ones? The Children of the Millennia? Could one
believe those stories which persisted still?
He’s also mentioned that the Dark Trick is not an exact science (also TVL):
But
let Armand understand here also that the effect of the Dark Trick is
unpredictable, even when passed on by the very young vampire and
with all due care. For reasons no one knows, some mortals when Born
to Darkness become as powerful as Titans, others may be no more
than corpses that move. That is why mortals must be chosen with
skill. Those with great passion and indomitable will should be avoided
as well as those who have none.
So Armand’s reasons for refusing to turn Daniel, if you trust him to be honest about the ones he’s giving, seem to be that:
Not everyone has the stamina for vampiring
Mortal life is better and Daniel should appreciate it more!
The Dark Trick is unpredictable and could leave Daniel in worse condition than mortal life ;A;
Armand really underscores that mortal life is better, also bc of the tragedy he’s experienced in his own vampiring.
Armand has his own enemies to deal with (“I’m like any beast on the prowl. I have enemies who are older and
stronger who would try to destroy me if it interested them to do so, I am sure.” – QOTD)
There’s also the threat of extermination happening to alot of vampires in QOTD so... bad timing. (”What matters is that the end
may be at hand…
There is a vague repeated cry of
danger, but no one seems to know whence it comes. They only know that we are being sought out and
annihilated, that coven houses, meeting places, go up in flames.“ – QOTD)
Later, in QOTD, Daniel refers to it as a vow, maybe that’s he terminology Armand used when he told Daniel about it:
[Daniel says:] “Of course I believed you. The vow you made, you explained everything. But Armand, this is my question, to
whom did you make this vow?"
Laughter.
^He made the vow to himself ;A;
[Armand says:] "So you would have me break my vow. You would have what you think you want. But look well at this
garden, because once I do it, you’ll never read my thoughts or see my visions again. A veil of silence will
come down.”
1. I think this is definitively where Daniel realizes Armand’s not going to turn him:
Then the realization had come to Daniel as they stood together in the ruined dining room with its famous
murals of ritual flagellation barely visible in the dark: He isn’t going to kill me after all. He isn’t going to do it.
Of course he won’t make me what he is, but he isn’t going to kill me. The dance will not end like that.
2. Then Armand starts trying to get Daniel to understand his reasons for not wanting to give him the Dark Gift
“Give me what I want,” Daniel had demanded.
“I’m giving you everything you could ever ask for."
"Yes, but not what I have asked for, not what I want!"
"Be alive, Daniel.” A low whisper, like a kiss. “Let me tell you from my heart that life is better than death.”
3. … which intensifies:
Ugly fights, terrible fights, finally, Armand broken down, glassy-eyed with silent rage, then crying softly but
uncontrollably as if some lost emotion had been rediscovered which threatened to tear him apart. “I will not
do it, I cannot do it. Ask me to kill you, it would be easier than that. You don’t know what you ask for, don’t
you see? It is always a damnable error! Don’t you realize that any one of us would give it up for one human
lifetime?
@wicked-felina and I are trying to include as many canon-compliant details as we can (hello Armand flirting w/ the blender, lol), and I personally have to satisfy my RL best friend who is a coffee aficionado (gotta prove to her that we know wtf we’re writing about, lol)… We’re using most of the ideas we come up with but we do have some spin-off chapters that may come later when the fic is finished.
…Psssst we would also love fanart of any of it, if anyone is so inspired…
I didn’t think a coffee shop AU was possible for VC either, but yes, from all the lovely comments we’ve been getting on it, it is working ^______^
(Loving the angst too. Even in a coffee shop AU, these idiot boys manage to fuck everything up, lmao.)
^This is why it’s working, bc we’re absolutely devoted to keeping them as IC as possible. Some canon-diversion has been necessary, and being AU, it’s naturally got a more comical bent, but yeah… we’re trying to keep them IC ;D
We love this pile of dysfunctional vampires hipsters.
Welcome to our little corner of tumblrand, and mon dieu, a compliment like this is pure gold. PURE GOLD. As is our AU! Pure gold ;D
[X@yallpacino: when you find a really good alternative universe fanfiction]
If you love our Signature Blend,@wicked-felina also has another great VC AU (WIP) you should check out, The Grim Brothers.It’s a “VC take on Red Riding Hood,” as heartfelt and fun as our AU, it was one of the first AUs I really loved ❤
This fandom has some real life in it lately, and I would urge you to use the links provided above, but also check out some of the absolutely amazing meta we have seen from various people here on Tumblr, especially that of vraik and anton-mordrid. Check out the fics, too, and also I would recommend @monstersinthecosmos‘s fantastic fic.
I flit back and forth between this fandom (my first real fandom!) and Breaking Bad but this burst of energy and enthusiasm of late has sucked me right back in, dammit.
I’m thrilled you like the fic. You really don’t know what it means to know that people are enjoying reading it, and that you appreciate it. It makes it worthwhile.
Welcome to our little corner of tumblrand, and mon dieu, a compliment like this is pure gold. PURE GOLD. As is our AU! Pure gold ;D
[X@yallpacino: when you find a really good alternative universe fanfiction]
If you love our Signature Blend,@wicked-felina also has another great VC AU (WIP) you should check out, The Grim Brothers.It’s a “VC take on Red Riding Hood,” as heartfelt and fun as our AU, it was one of the first AUs I really loved ❤
Hit the jump for more, cut for length.
“and it’s sad to see so little fan activity,”
Yeah, the war on fanfic crushed us in the 90′s + AR’s war on her fandom (and critics in general) in the early 2000′s drove us all underground, and only recently are things picking back up. We are making fanworks tho, you can check out our recent blast of them from our @vcsecretgifts exchange, the #2016 VC Secret Santa… and also:
#Fanfic and #Fanfictiontags (unfortunately they include commentary ABOUT fanfic as well as links to fanfic but oh well… someday I’ll organize it further).
the #Fanart tag. We’ve got old and new on there! I have some other fandoms mixed in, but it’s mostly VC ;]
“but this little gem is just so precious and makes up for it; it’s uplifting to see it regularly updated and cared about and I just wanted to (immensely) thank you for writing about these drama queens~ <3″
Merciiiii! We are loving writing it, too, some of the scenes, it’s as if we’re right there with them, witnessing the drama firsthand. I’m not sure I can let @wicked-felina go back to writing her solo stuff too soon after this is finished…
Re: @firelight-fading‘s post: “How many of you actually feel that Louis’ visiting Lestat at the end of IWTV and the conversation that followed actually happened? Lestat insists that it didn’t, but both him and Louis are unreliable narrators…”
Hey, look, you are free to believe in whichever unreliable narrator you want! Clearly we don’t all agree on this. I still don’t know what I believe, but I lean towards it happening, that they met, just maybe not as Louis described it.
Anon says: If the scene didn’t take place at all how did Louis get such an accurate description of Lestat’s condition?…
It’s not like Louis can take images from Armand’s mind either.
^Louis had seen a pretty battered Lestat around 1865, and then he thought Lestat was destroyed in the TdV fire, so he’s probably guessing that his maker looks like toast now, if he’s in fact still alive.
Lestat acknowledges in TVL that Armand came around to pester him in NOLA, which, yes, is presumably after Armand and Louis went their separate ways. But Armand could have visited Lestat before that separation, or gotten the information from another vampire who had seen Lestat in NOLA. They’re probably not the only vampires in New York during the time that they’re there.
Anon says: even if he had visited once before why would he give Louis the full disclosure? In IWTV, Armand tells Louis that Lestat is in NOLA:
“Then, finally, Armand urged me in another way. He told me something he’d concealed from me since the time we were in Paris.
“Lestat had not died in the Theatre des Vampires. I had believed him to be dead, and when I asked Armand about those vampires, he told me they all had perished. But he told me now that this wasn’t so. Lestat had left the theater the night I had run away from Armand and sought out the cemetery in Montmartre. Two vampires who had been made with Lestat by the same master had assisted him in booking passage to New Orleans.
^So how Armand knew this, we don’t know, but I assume he read it from Lestat’s thoughts when he visited Lestat in NOLA prior to Armand’s separation with Louis, or from another vampire who had seen Lestat passing through NY.
Armand wants Louis to see Lestat for himself bc he wants Louis to “come back to life.”
” `You care about nothing …’ [Armand] was saying. And then he sat up slowly and turned to me so again I could see that dark fire in his eyes. `I thought you would at least care about that. I thought you would feel the old passion, the old anger if you were to see him again. I thought something would quicken and come alive in you if you saw him . . . if you returned to this place.’
^Sorry Armand, fail on that 😛
Whether Louis actually met with Lestat the way he described it in IWTV is up for debate, but Louis might have gotten such an accurate description of Lestat’s condition verbally from Armand. Perhaps, as you say, Louis might have exaggerated the patheticness of the conversation to get a reaction from Lestat, as he was trying to provoke Lestat into coming out of wherever he was hiding.
Or maybe Louis just wanted to tell his story to another soul, like confession, and get some feeling of absolution from the act of telling, maybe it felt good to invent this portion for no good reason. I don’t personally think that’s very IC for Louis but… who knows?
Can we just look at this for a minute….
Two vampires who had been made with Lestat by the same master had assisted him in booking passage to New Orleans.
^This used to really irritate me, these two vampire siblings of Lestat who never appeared again in canon, I have to assume Armand invented them for whatever reason (make Louis jealous that he didn’t help Lestat himself?) or that Daniel’s publisher added them in for whatever reason *shrugs*
I-want-my-IWTV 