♛It’s no inconvenience, Louis and I have both experienced our share of bad parenting, and done some of it ourselves, so we’re glad to reach out and help when we can.

We read your message many times and can’t quite unravel what the issue is, but the fact that you have a mother who you feel is fabulous (and I assume you mean in her personality, more than just the contents of her closet *winks), and some friends for support, that’s a good start. 

[^X by @anaryawe​]

Some people really shouldn’t be parents, others are wonderful at it… it took Louis and I plenty of trial and error to figure it out ourselves. It sounds like your parents may not be working together on it themselves.

As badly as my father treated me, I took him in when the roles were reversed. He needed care, and only then, with his defenses down, were we able to have some of the communication I never got to have with him as a child. Perhaps he didn’t like children, didn’t see them as people, but as animals that needed taming. Louis’ mother seemed perpetually disappointed in Louis, no matter how hard he tried to please her. Perhaps she was disappointed with her lot in life and scapegoated her misery onto him.

It may be that your father doesn’t deserve to be part of your life. It may be that you still have something to resolve with him, like I did with my father. Follow your instincts, and seek advice from your mother. She knew him before you were born, she may have the guidance you seek.

It’s a sad truth that your father will be dead, and there will come a time when you won’t have the chance to try to communicate with him ever again. If it’s too painful to be alone with him, have it be in a setting with others involved, or at least nearby.