(ooc; Not sure how serious you are, but, Reminder: if you have already taken something or done something to harm yourself please call 911. If you haven’t done anything and if you’re thinking about suicide, please talk to the suicide hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) in the U.S., to find a suicide helpline outside the U.S., visit IASP or Suicide.org. Please read Suicide Help.)
♛My dear, I’m so sorry to read this message. My heart aches for you.
There are times when yes, the loneliness overtakes me. I do feel emptiness at times, moreso in those times I was betrayed by the ones closest to me. Not to revisit that… but the emptiness you are describing seems to be a deeper one than what I experienced. Again, my heart aches for you.
Sometimes solitude is needed, just to get to know myself once again, so that I can return to my loved ones.
Because that’s really the answer, at least for me, time spent with your loved ones has healing properties. Do you have any pets? Or know anyone who does? I’ve found that rolling around with a sizable dog (or several!) can also cure me of many of these gutwrenching feelings, those insidious negative voices that creep in. The healing power of dog cuddles may not be complete but it is still substantial.
If you don’t have anyone you can go to, there are professionals out there who can help. One group is called the
Samaritans.
The Dark Gift is not, generally, a quick fix. You bring yourself with you, and all your own experiences, all your own baggage. It enhances who you already are, for better or worse. I found that out with my beloved Nicki. Knowing what I know now about him, would I still give him the Dark Gift? I desperately want to say yes, but I don’t think it “fixed” him. Not by a long shot. It made him into another version of himself. Purified him. It seemed to release him from his life-long act of being a civilized person, which he detested.
In the absence of everything else I’ve suggested, one other cure: Stories. Read. Watch movies. Listen to music. Eat your favorite foods. Read my first book again, and see how I dealt with obstacle after obstacle, take inspiration from my example. Or, and I can’t believe I’m suggesting this: read Louis’ book. Know that he experienced similar feelings to yours. He survived it.
You are not alone. Get the help you need, or cure yourself, or both! Validate yourself if no one else will. Care for yourself as if you were your own best friend. There were so many times when that’s all I could do for myself, for years. Decades, even. If I had given up, at any of those times, I would not be here to offer you this: I survived. So can you.
[^Portrait of moi by the amazingly talented @vaciel, it’s a WIP, I hope they finish it someday]
(Let’s assume I don’t get to choose or stay w/ my maker, and I don’t get to choose to be w/ the VC characters bc then this answer would be impossibly long. I’ll respond to those aspects in separate posts if anyone is interested.)
What would I do with my immortality? SO MANY. Vampiring: I would probably be the slayer of the evildoer, following in Lestat’s footsteps, but I’d also want to try wild animals like his mom does… I would write all about it, for sure. Every power and every limitation. The killing part of it would probably be tedious some nights and I would complain about having to go to those seedy places for my victims, and I would probably get into situations that would be somewhat out of my control and get shot in the back and I’d come home and complain about it even louder while my mom, a doctor, extracts the bullet fragments and stitches me back up and says “I told you so,” in so many words. “What, what did you tell me, Mom?” “Be careful what you wish for, obviously.” idk if I would turn my parents but it would be hard not to bc I love them.
We’re assuming I figure out the financial aspect bc currently I do not spend enough time and energy on that… I would need a good cash flow to support my adventures and artistic pursuits. I’d commission artists of all kinds, I’d maybe put together a studio collective, let ppl work at night with me or they could work during the day, I don’t really mind, as long as their work gets done. Probably have multiple projects of different kinds going on at any given time.
I wish I could say I would work on social justice causes, and maybe I would. I wouldn’t want the kind of exposure that might make me a target though, so if I did try to make the world a better place, it would be through my studio’s works, or financial support, or some other private way.
Emotionally, I would need a companion or two, so I would immediately turn my best friend into a vampire, she can have it now or wait until later but she does not has my permission to die. I have other friends I would want to bring with me, but I would be very selective, bc you’re stuck w/ these ppl for eternity, or they go mad and suicide, or the Dark Gift doesn’t work… soooo, I’d be picky about them.
Well I found it! In TVL, when Armand is telling Lestat and Gabrielle his story:
“In quiet allegiance to the Dark Ways, Armand
continued to serve. Yet in the centuries of his long obedience, Armand
kept two secrets to himself. These were his property, these secrets,
more purely his than the coffin in which he locked himself by day, or
the few amulets he wore. The first was that no matter how great his
loneliness, or how long the search for brothers and sisters in whom he
might find some comfort, he never worked the Dark Trick himself.
He wouldn’t give that to Satan, no Child of Darkness made by him.”
Hit the jump for more, cut for length.
Still in TVL, that quote above is right after he’s gone over how he’s seen so many vampires die:
In this particular, let
Armand observe that there was no vampire then living who was more
than three hundred years old. No one alive then could remember the
first Roman coven. The devil frequently calls his vampires home….
He had witnessed
the inevitable dissolution of covens, seen immortality defeat the most
perfectly made Children of Darkness, and it seemed at times some
awesome punishment that it never defeated him. Was he destined to
be one of the ancient ones? The Children of the Millennia? Could one
believe those stories which persisted still?
He’s also mentioned that the Dark Trick is not an exact science (also TVL):
But
let Armand understand here also that the effect of the Dark Trick is
unpredictable, even when passed on by the very young vampire and
with all due care. For reasons no one knows, some mortals when Born
to Darkness become as powerful as Titans, others may be no more
than corpses that move. That is why mortals must be chosen with
skill. Those with great passion and indomitable will should be avoided
as well as those who have none.
So Armand’s reasons for refusing to turn Daniel, if you trust him to be honest about the ones he’s giving, seem to be that:
Not everyone has the stamina for vampiring
Mortal life is better and Daniel should appreciate it more!
The Dark Trick is unpredictable and could leave Daniel in worse condition than mortal life ;A;
Armand really underscores that mortal life is better, also bc of the tragedy he’s experienced in his own vampiring.
Armand has his own enemies to deal with (“I’m like any beast on the prowl. I have enemies who are older and
stronger who would try to destroy me if it interested them to do so, I am sure.” – QOTD)
There’s also the threat of extermination happening to alot of vampires in QOTD so... bad timing. (”What matters is that the end
may be at hand…
There is a vague repeated cry of
danger, but no one seems to know whence it comes. They only know that we are being sought out and
annihilated, that coven houses, meeting places, go up in flames.“ – QOTD)
Later, in QOTD, Daniel refers to it as a vow, maybe that’s he terminology Armand used when he told Daniel about it:
[Daniel says:] “Of course I believed you. The vow you made, you explained everything. But Armand, this is my question, to
whom did you make this vow?"
Laughter.
^He made the vow to himself ;A;
[Armand says:] "So you would have me break my vow. You would have what you think you want. But look well at this
garden, because once I do it, you’ll never read my thoughts or see my visions again. A veil of silence will
come down.”
1. I think this is definitively where Daniel realizes Armand’s not going to turn him:
Then the realization had come to Daniel as they stood together in the ruined dining room with its famous
murals of ritual flagellation barely visible in the dark: He isn’t going to kill me after all. He isn’t going to do it.
Of course he won’t make me what he is, but he isn’t going to kill me. The dance will not end like that.
2. Then Armand starts trying to get Daniel to understand his reasons for not wanting to give him the Dark Gift
“Give me what I want,” Daniel had demanded.
“I’m giving you everything you could ever ask for."
"Yes, but not what I have asked for, not what I want!"
"Be alive, Daniel.” A low whisper, like a kiss. “Let me tell you from my heart that life is better than death.”
3. … which intensifies:
Ugly fights, terrible fights, finally, Armand broken down, glassy-eyed with silent rage, then crying softly but
uncontrollably as if some lost emotion had been rediscovered which threatened to tear him apart. “I will not
do it, I cannot do it. Ask me to kill you, it would be easier than that. You don’t know what you ask for, don’t
you see? It is always a damnable error! Don’t you realize that any one of us would give it up for one human
lifetime?
Today, Anne Rice had two livestreams on Facebook, the first as a general Q&A and the second specifically related to the Vampire Chronicles television show. Part way through the second livestream, the video glitched and I missed a minute or two, but overall this is what I had.
I’ve divided the information into 3 sections and highlighted the most important or interesting things she mentioned in my opinion):
Anne Herself
Anne wants to assure fans she is the ONLY one who answers and sees emails sent by fans. She tries hard to view all of them
She also reassures that shes been trying to read as many comments given on Facebook as possible and to consider them
In her writing process, she can’t do all-nighters anymore; her books about Christ were the last time she really did this
She
loves how people in New Orleans love life and celebrate it. She misses
New Orleans terribly. She notes, “Lifestyles [down there] are inherited and have a
beauty”
She reads more non-fiction than fiction and constantly
takes notes from them, especially about archeology (which she loves:
“It’s like eating ice cream for me! I love it so much”)
She
says she no longer identifies as a Christian, but still has a love for
Jesus and what he has done for her, such as helping her solve problems and beyond that
She has some new announcement coming soon not concerning the vampires
She feels this is the age of the nerd where
readers’ opinions are most important. Says she has always taken us the readers seriously and wants us to feel appreciated. She appreciates our
power and what we have done for the series.
The Books and The Characters
*spoiler* There is NO certainty Mona and Quinn are dead. This is just what Lestat believes.
She went through the pronunciations of characters’ names
Marius is pronounced like Marius in Les Miserables
Mekare is May-care-ee, but thinks other pronunciations are beautiful too
(And I think as a fandom we’ve come to agreements on everyone else’s names. She went by the names fast!)
Anne says she sums up the story of the chronicles as “how badly Lestat wants to be the hero of his own life”
She appreciates fans pointing out mistakes in her writing since she wants to be as accurate as possible, especially when it comes to history/time periods
When
asked about the taste of blood/how it functions, Anne says blood is
like every kind of drug- it’s sex, alcohol, drugs, everything
She
writes a TON of notes since she occasionally forgets when/how certain
things are mentioned, such as how the Savage Garden was introduced in
the novel (which she no knows as something that occurred during Our Conversation with Nicolas and Lestat)
The name “Talamasca” came from a book on old witchcraft she found
Lestat’s
name was a “blunder” rather than a “eureka” moment. His name was NOT
based on her husband Stan intentionally. She was trying to look up old
french names.
The transformation process of human to vampire (after getting the Dark Gift) is a little slower than how the IWTV film portrayed, but close in Anne’s mind (she truly appreciated how the film went above to stay close to her own visions and her work)
During his time with Louis and Claudia, Lestat attempted to give answers
that would “keep them alive” rather than actual answers, knowing that he
couldn’t reveal what he knew due to what Marius had told him (essentially, not just answers that he thought would satisfy them but that he thought would carry them on by themselves…which worked in my opinion)
There were several questions
about Gabrielle and Becket commented about how Gabrielle is a fan favorite before he introduced the questions:
Anne says Gabrielle is cold, but admits that she loves Lestat yet at the same time doesn’t need him.
She does not see Gabrielle as
autistic (she laughed at this question which really irked me )
She will not write about a memoir from Gabrielle’s point of view since
she wants Lestat to stay the focus of “the tribe” and she’s done with
writing those sort of side books.
Lestat’s main concern right now is “keeping the tribe together”
She wants to continue with exploring some of the newer characters, Fareed and Seth were mentioned as a part of this.
Anne
has an “ambivalence” towards Louis and she loves him since he
represents an old part of her, but this is also the same reason she has
trouble going back and writing for him, because she feels she is now a different person
She
appreciates that there is no “real” consensus on what is the best/worst
of her books amongst the fans (though Memnoch was her first example for
worse soooo 😏)
In some ways, how Amel speaks to Lestat is a metaphor for how Lestat speaks to Anne.
The Television Show
(Casting)
Armand will NOT be played by someone around 14, because of the long filming process and how it will age the actor. She acknowledges fans want someone young for Armand but feels it
will be too difficult to use (um, hello Anne, CGI??)
She thinks Cate Blanchett would be a wonderful pick for Gabrielle.
Says
the looks are most important for Lestat, Louis just has to be beautiful
(lol)
She really cares about the appearances of the cast and their availability to do about 5-6 years of filming
(Chronology and Production)
She
thinks she will not go through network tv, so the home to the show would be Amazon,
Hulu or Netflix.
She feels the show won’t be as violent as Game of Thrones but wants that
integrity and style, and that “authenticity” to the books that Game of Thrones has (So for the rating,
I’m guessing she feels around M?)
Anne wants to be true to the books and what the fans want to see (in regards to characters and plot points)
She appreciated
the commitment of the team for the IWTV film and wants to keep up to that standard. She does not want unreasonable changes and compromises
Chronologically, she wants to begin with TVL with Lestat as a young man.
Feels around the 2nd/3rd season is where IWTV would start
The books are long, so it will not be a one season / one book situation.
It
will begin chronologically, so it won’t be Lestat reading IWTV and THEN
starting with his story as a response, it will start in France as the
events happen (I was hoping it would be the former…)
No Mayfair witches in the show
Characters who are introduced later, but existed chronologically earlier like Benedick and Magnus, will be put earlier in
the show
The Talamasca will be heavily involved “eventually” in
the series, possibly earlier on. Related to this, she wants to tell the
history of her vampires and those entities.
She
wants to definitely (so badly) cover the scene where Lestat is being
turned “stage by stage…” meaning him being in the tower and having
realizations about his strength after drinking the blood. Also, how he
turns Gabrielle (possibly wants to have a young actress to play
Gabrielle and have her human age appear through makeup so the transformation will be more dramatic)
Louis’ story WILL be told, but the show will be mostly from Lestat’s POV
Anne hopes the show will go into production before the end of this year. Around 2018
is when it would come out
Anne and Chris have had a lot of interested companies already looking into
developing the project (but she doesn’t want to reveal who is talking to them since it “wouldn’t be fair”)
She isn’t sure if the show will break the 4th
wall. She acknowledges that Lestat does it in the books, but she feels
she would have to stick with it for the entirety of the show and that
would be difficult (so it sounds like mostly a “no” but she’s considering it)
Christopher
and her are currently outlining around 5 seasons (estimated) for the TV
series. They are also writing drafts for the first 4 episodes
Clarifying a few notes for everyone since they were brought to my attention:
Casting Armand: Anne said she wanted to do this chronologically as the events happened in the books, not as the order the books come in. When we are first introduced to Armand, yes, he is 17, but his story in The Vampire Armand begins when he is 14/15 (when he is kidnapped and before he meets Marius). She mentioned something about the later half of the first season or the second season being dedicated to Marius telling his tale to Lestat and the history of the vampires, so, based off her suggestions, it was implied TVA would also be a part of this (maybe expanding a viewer perspective to outside of what he tells Lestat)…
Or maybe she totally forgot his age, but she said “14” in the stream, so that is what I wrote down.
The lengths of the seasons going along with the books: Anne said it would depend on how many episodes there would be per season. I guess she’s thinking of shorter lengths of episodes and seasons to focus solely on certain plot points? It’s a bit odd. I think one book = one season could definitely be do-able, however…
I think with the production quality she wants in the amount of time she wants it, I think her goals are unrealistic. I have other thoughts about what she said, but I will keep them to myself unless asked. That being said, if anyone has questions or concerns, feel free to send me an ask and let me know
If there is anything I missed in my highlights post in regards to these two videos that you would like to bring up / discuss, feel free to mention it in a reblog or in the comments section.
)
I-want-my-IWTV 