If writers took every bit of writing advice that was in the format ‘Don’t use X part of the English language’, all English fiction would read like Spot the dog
Daniel got his immortal companion an Atari and he’s been hooked for hours without moving. While he has the chance Daniel decides to do a bit of decorating- Armand didn’t let him put a single ornament on the meticulously designed tree he had brought in, after all.
^WOO HOO is the appropriate reaction to Louis grabbing you, running at full speed, and then slamming you as hard as he can against not one but TWO trees *nods* yes good.
I’ll 👏 ship 👏 whatever 👏 the 👏 fuck 👏 I 👏 want 👏 thanks
Actually 👏 many 👏 postal 👏 services👏 have 👏 rules 👏 and 👏 regulations 👏 on 👏 what 👏 you 👏 can 👏 and 👏 cannot 👏 ship 👏 many 👏 regulations 👏 depend 👏 on 👏 the 👏 destination 👏 weight 👏 and 👏 content 👏
Imagine one of those vampires that spent a few decades napping and now they’re trying to catch up as best they can so they’re in a library looking through years of old magazines and overhear some middle-schooler discussing her project about the moon-landing and they’re like “WHAT!!!”
“You have to tell me everything about this!!!”
A confused but enthusiastic sixth-grader unfolds her trifold poster board and tells an absolutely captivated 3000 year old man-eater about the space race.
More like “I LITERALLY HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN THROUGH THE RECONSTRUCTION ERA PLEASE TAG SPOILERS”
I’M!!
“Have you gotten to Franz Ferdinand being shot yet?” An Austrian Vampire, angrily looking up from a ninth-grade history book: “are you FUCKING KIDDING ME??”
“yeah you know…lincoln doesnt get reelected” Vampire: “well why NOT he seems perfectly capable and oooh…oh…”
FRICK
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
“So, you know pluto isn’t a planet, right?”
*Vampire chucks astronomy book written in 1994 at the person*
Imagine the vampire asking people who killed JFK and they’re all like ‘no one knows’ and the vampire just sighs and says ‘ok I know I said no spoilers but this is just getting ridiculous. someone tell me.”
imagine a vampire who’s absolutely mad about having missed a very specific moment and not really caring about the big picture searching for the one history nerd who might know when that outrageous lipstick they loved was put out of commerce, what happened to that minor theatre company debut, a forgetten artist’s they loved fate, if their friends ever did marry, what happened to that family lineage/where are the heirs now, /what happened to that one small hungarian village who was basically only some houses and mud where the heck did my village go/
I had sex in a graveyard and was walking around nude cause it was like 80 degrees and I was all sweaty and it was like midnight or whatever.
So this car rolls up out of nowhere and I’m stark fucken naked.
I’m also white as fuck. I glow in the dark.
I make eye contact with the dude driving.
I don’t make a move to cover up or anything because idgaf about being naked.
I see his eyes widen….
With fear.
He fucken books it out of there like a bat out of hell.
And that’s the story about how I became a ghost sighting in a small town in New England.
Why does this have so many fucking notes??? I leave for an hour to watch a Dan Aykroyd movie and???
I need more context on why you had sex in a graveyard
I-want-my-IWTV 