thelionscrimsonclaws:

Lestat, an anonymous person recently asked me:

“Oh man, I was disappointed in Lestat the first time I read the body thief also, but mostly bc he came across as a lot less intelligent than I had thought and that was a huge turnoff”

And I answered, basically, that there were a lot of extenuating circumstances, and pressure, you were under in that story… so I don’t really think it was a lack of intelligence on your part and I don’t think it’s your job to try to “turn-on” your readers/audiences with every story.

But how would you have handled that question?

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It’s actually my favorite misadventure….mainly because it is really the first modern tale where it’s just myself telling the story. There is plenty of cast support, so to speak, but it’s all from my viewpoint.

I know I’ve expressed before, that every vampire is a frozen drop in an icy sea of time indefinite. I’m no exception to that rule. You bet, I love modern excess and read constantly but any self-proclaimed exclamation of genius is pure vanity.

I’m clever, that is to be certain….wily like a fox and I learn quickly but how best does anyone learn? Mistakes. I may have the body and visage of a god but like all deities in mythology, I’m fallible, baby!

I started out my life as an illiterate bumpkin! I was talented in four areas; hunting, fucking, drinking, and acting. Hardly the stuff of Hawking, Jobs, Tyson or any other modern mega-mind!

It took the Dark Gift to expand my capacity for thought and to retain knowledge. I’m a great mimic. Up until my time as a rock star, I couldn’t compose Chop Sticks if you paid me. I had no time for that, man! I was a bit busy….

Imagine now, that you take this demigod, frozen in time, suffering from post-traumatic stress due to the biggest let down of his life and set down before him, a large ‘Do Over’ button. It’s bright red and glowing in the center of the hole in his life and it says, “DO NOT PRESS THIS EVER!”

Who am I? What am I famed for? The neon signs came out, lit up like Christmas in Las Vegas telling me to do ANYTHING other than press that precise button!
So of course, I smashed my fist into that son-of-a-bitch because I wanted to know! I wanted to remember what it was like! I’d tried Death and she threw me back! So how about life?

And ahh I thought I knew and remembered what it was like! I thought everything I lifted from every meal I engorged myself with made me an expert in the human condition! I was so horribly naive.

And I described how dreadful it all was! The eating, the drinking, the shitting, the paltry sex, the illness, the fragility! I could barely see! I could barely move or think clearly enough to qualify as much more than some en vogue, hunky, runway model…..no brain, all body, probably a dreadful accent! Best ogled, not heard! What was I to do with all that? I was almost that country pauper again.

I needed help and I was grateful for Gretchen, for David! Without them, I would have died…in one of the most wretchedly, abysmally common mortal ways.

This mind of mine combined with the Blood and this body is a complete package that works! Raglan didn’t do so hot inside it, if you recall?

I could describe my many attributes again but to sum it all up, I’m smarter than the average bear and I love telling a good tale but don’t let the golden fleece fall over your eyes, darling! This was an extraordinary event that happened to an otherwise ordinary guy. 

*winks*

Afterword: If that disappointed you or broke your heart, then might I suggest developing a crush on my brainy squeeze, David! Or Louis? I surround myself with genius to put me in a brighter spotlight. Just don’t be in their beds when I want in. I have the jealousy of a bull in the midst of puberty.

#damn you and your perfect headcanon perfection #PERFECT JUST PERFECT #tldr  #tldr i know #but seriously plz read this it is #perfection

Also, look how generous he is about sharing his toys people! “Just don’t be in their beds when I want in.” <- NOTE TAKEN.