♠ “I haven’t had the vast experience that Lestat has had,” Louis says as he types. A distant “Hey!” is heard in the background, somewhat muffled by the TV. “I heard that!”
Louis turns back to the screen and continues: “I have, however, had more long-term relationship experience than he has. I can tell you that you do not want to be with anyone who openly despises you, or plays at doing so as if it was a game.” He looks up, considering, before resuming: “There have been times when I thought Lestat truly despised me, but if that were so, he would have left me long ago. His anger was due to his frustration with the invisible wall between us, the forced secrecy, and the relative slowness of my adaptation to my nature, whereas he had been all alone and taken to it so easily. Long after that, there were other times that I needn’t mention.”
“We began poorly. We know. What has kept us together is the kernel we each saw in the other of a similar tenacity for life. Despite anything I said or did, he knew I had a will that refused to surrender to Death, even to him. We were also powerfully intrigued by each other.”
“You needn’t choose one of these suitors immediately. Do not place the entirety of the responsibility of your happiness in someone else’s hands. Your lover should support you in your own pursuits, should be altogether intrigued by you, and you should be supportive and intrigued by him.” Lestat approaches, and slumps beside Louis on the couch, reading over the response.
“Don’t tell the person ‘should,’ don’t make it into dull requirements.” Lestat huffs, snaking an arm around his shoulders and drawing him close.
“Those are important elements, no?”
“It will happen naturally, if they are with someone who loves them.” Lestat says, drawing Louis in tighter.
“That’s so.”
“See, I have excellent advice. They should have asked me! Such ‘vast experience.’ A model lover.” Lestat plants a chaste kiss on his temple.
“When you follow your own advice, yes, you are.” Louis smirks.
“Am I not supporting you right now?” Lestat has managed to bring Louis entirely into his lap, gesturing at their position.
“You are indeed. Are you also intrigued by me?”
“I’m – squished.”
“I’ll have to find some way to intrigue you.”
“Putting away that laptop would be a step in the right direction, mon cher.”
I deeply relate to your concerns and find it as irritating as you do when my attitude is questioned in this manner. I’ve often asked it of myself, whether this melancholy “mood” is simply an element of who I am, who I always was, and not only the result of what I’ve experienced.
I see others thriving in the sunlight, metaphorically, and I have yearned, at times, to strip away my burden and join them. I have only ever done that when in a state of mortal drunkenness, and even then, I never fully took leave of my senses.
But this pervasive feeling is not truly a burden, it has its benefits. Are we more introspective than others? Possibly. More sensitive to the pulse of life in a different way than they are. Not all flowers require sunlight, some can only bloom at night.
When curled up at home with
a good novel in my hands, only the song of the cicadas outside, and ambient lighting, that’s peace for me. I’m sure that you have similar moments. Your deepest wishes of happiness can be achieved in the simplicity of allowing yourself to enjoy the things you enjoy, and forgiving yourself for the way you are. Treat yourself as you would a very dear friend, not an enemy.
♠I no longer have the issue with enclosed spaces as I once did, it was a vestigial fear from my past, but one of the things that helped me at that time was focusing on something else, even a small object like a ring or buttons could help reduce my anxiety.
Mausoleums can vary greatly in size, but the ones I am most familiar with are the small structures we had in New Orleans where members of my family are buried. The angel statue here was my mother’s idea, she always adored angels.
#shut up louis #its exra funny bc really Louis hardly gets to have an opinion #those few times when he does #lestat doesnt care for your bullshit #BASICALLY #poor louis #in truth he could be devastatingly mean to lestat #but he withholds it bc he knows lestat cant actually take it
I-want-my-IWTV 